Everything In Between Here and There

The many styles of our Pistol Princess

2011-02-22T01:06:00.000-08:00

What a journey we have had in the last 17 months with hair! I thought I would post some of her styles. And yes, there is a reoccurring theme of "pom poms". Jocelyn would where her hair in pom poms everyday of her life if she had her choice.

We call this her Lenny Kravitz moment

A Year Ago Today The Wheels Touched Down

2010-09-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

A year ago today at abou this time the wheels to our airplane touched down after 40 hours of travel. Jocelyn had slept about 4 hours and Isaac about 6 hours. I had about 8 hours of sleep over a 3 day period. I have no idea how much or little sleep my sweet hubby had gotten. But we were full of joy. As we walked towards the luggage area we were greeted with signs, balloons, friends and family. All were cheering and crying as they got the joy of seeing the fulfillment of us becoming a family. What an amazing year it has been!

Toddler Talk...Isaac Edition

2010-09-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

I think periodically I am going to take the time to share with you som of the things that my sweet peas say. Let's face it, children say the craziest things! And don't we all need a good laugh?

We have always talked about where Isaac and Jocelyn were born. We are proud of their heritage and we want them to be proud too.

So here's what Isaac has recently told people:

Walmart Checker: Hi there cutie! Boy you have big brown eyes.
Isaac: I'm Isaac!
Walmart Checker: I see
Isaac: I was born in Ethiopia not Walmart!
Walmart Checker: Well thank goodness for that!

Lady at the Fair: They are so cute!
Isaac: I was born in Costco!

Out of the mouths of babes!

Have a fabulous Day - Kelli

Deep Conversation

2010-09-16T21:53:00.000-07:00

You know since becoming a Mom I have found myself needing deep conversation. The type that involves deep thinking...deep thought...time to process. Do you know the kind I'm talking about? You see my world right now is filled with conversations like the following:

Me: Ok Isaac go pick out your underwear for the day.
Isaac: I have 2 kinds of Ramones Mommy! All of his underwear are from the Cars movie by the way.
Me: Honey that one is Ramone and the other one is Snot Rod.
Isaac: No! They are both Raaaammmmmooooonnnnnneeessss MMMMOOOOOMMMMYYY!
Me: Sweetie Ramond is a low rider and Snot Rod is a hot rod. See how Snot Rod has his engine coming out of the hood of the car? And see how low Ramone's car sits to the ground. That's difference honey.
Isaac: Ramone a low rider?
Me: Yes
Isaac: Snot Rod is a snot rod?
Me: Yes Honey.
Isaac: Mommy that's Snot Rod?
Me: Yep
Isaac: That's Ramone?
Me: Yes
Isaac: Ramone's a low rider?
Me: Yes honey.
Isaac: Ramone's a low rider Mommy!
Me: Mmmhmmm.
Isaac: Mommy look that's a Snot Rod!

This conversation goes on for 10 minutes before I finally said, "Isaac! Just pick a pair and put them on!" Which ended up starting a new conversation that involved Isaac insisting on wearing both pairs of underwear and me insisting on him wearing one.

Do you see the need for deep conversation? And yes, tomorrow I get to have deeeeep conversation with a good friend. I am so hungry for it that I have been obsessing over it and counting the time until I get to sit with a good friend and googoo over her baby while having a sincere and deep conversation. T-minus 14 hours and counting.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-15T21:48:00.000-07:00

One Year ago Today...

2010-09-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

Exactly one year ago today I met you...

You were so scared and who could blame you.

The only time you had ever seen us is in two black and white pictures taped to the wall above your crib.

You were so beautiful...so precious...

Our first family photo...

Your first nap with us...

We have come so far as a family.

From the first few weeks at home...

Where there was uncertanity...

Is this my home? Will you never leave me?

Where there was a new found joy as we became family...

I am honored to know you.

I am humbled that God has chosen me...

an imperfect and flawed woman to be your Mommy.

Even the hard days I have loved because it has meant one more day being with you.

I will love you forever and always

yesterday...

today...

and tomorrow.

Happy 1st Family Birthday!

Never Forgotten

2010-09-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

No, I have not forgotten that today is 9/11. It's just that I have been busy cherishing every minute of every hour of this day with my children and my husband. September 11th reminds me to seize every moment I have with my precious and amazing family. I have also struggle with what to say. How is it possible to pay tribute to all those who were lost and to their families who have piece of their life gone forever? The only thing I can say is that I will never forget. I will never forget the lost lives, I will never forget the courage displayed that day, I will never forget the families, I will never forget the children missing parents, I will never forget the parents missing their children, I will never forget the husbands missing their wives or the wives missing their husbands, I will never forget the soldiers who have sacraficed their lives since 9/11 for the safety of our country, I will never forget those who continue to fight to keep our freedom. No, I will never forget.

Before There Were Kids Update

2010-09-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

A while back I got an email from someone asking me whatever happened to our dear Snickas (Snickers). If you haven't read about Snickers you can read about her here. Unfortunately when I took a break from blogging, I forgot that I would be leaving questions unanswered. Just like our little princess Hershey, Snickers life was cut short by a tumor. In 2 weeks her tumor more than doubled in size. We didn’t want her to suffer so we said our tearful good-byes and let her sleep.

Losing Snickers has been somewhat of a double edged sword. I loved spending time with her at the computer after everyone was in bed. I loved the fact that I could have the worse day ever and she would still want me. These things made it very hard for me to lose our beloved Snickas. But there was also some relief which brought with it some guilt for feeling this way. Our kids were scared of her. If she didn’t move, it wasn’t too bad. But the moment she would move, Jocelyn would start screaming and crying and Isaac would follow. I was also exhausted. The kids hadn’t even been home 2 months and I was overwhelmed with their care.

But…there are times…when it is late…the house is quiet…and I am typing away…I miss her. I miss her paw lying on my arm as I try to type. I miss her loud purrs and her rabbit soft fur. It is also at these times I think how much our kids have missed. Snickers loved our sweet peas. Sometimes she would try to sit with them in the living room while they played. They would cry and run to us. She would always look so sad like “how come you don’t like me?” I believe in time they would have gotten over there fear of her and they would have fallen in love with her. Unfortunately, it was her time to go.

Thank you Snickers for the 13 years you gave us. Thank you for all the times you “nursed” me back to health and thank you for all the times you let me hold you like a baby. You were amazing and will always be dearly missed.

Love,

Snickas Mom

It's Been A While

2010-09-08T23:13:00.001-07:00

Wow! It has been more than six months since my last post. At first I chose not to blog because I needed all of my focus to be on our sweet peas. But then as time passed, I wasn’t sure if I should blog. I felt like I had lost my way and my purpose for this little corner of the blog world. I was no longer sure if I could be vulnerable the way I had originally intended to. You see my purpose has always been to talk about everything between here and there (Heaven). Of course that means everything within reason. There are always those things that just should not be discussed with anyone (except my Hubby of course). I have struggled with whether or not I could be honest, share the tough things along with the funny things. I wonder about how to blog. Do I share our names? How do I handle posting pictures? Am I willing to discuss things that might upset people…things they may not agree with…etc…

Have I found any answers to my own questions? No, not exactly. Heavens with newly adopted twins I am lucky if I can remember what day of the week it is. But I believe with God’s guidance I will hopefully honor Him and honor the purpose of my little corner of the blogging world.

From my little corner,

Kelli

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-17T14:13:00.000-08:00

Parking

2010-02-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

Parking at our house is at a premium...

we expect daily parking fees to rival that of Boston, MA.

It's a good thing Isaac has his parking spaces reserved.

A Very Belated Post - Tree of Tradition Part 2

2010-02-02T09:46:00.000-08:00

As much as I would love to blog everyday it is just not possible. Sometimes my silence is because I'm too tired, or life has been difficult and sometimes it is because I am just having too much fun with my sweet peas.

Either way there are times when I have good intentions like when I posted Tree of Tradition Part 1. The rest was supposed to be posted before Christmas. So it is 2010 and I am just now finishing the unfinished post. There is nothing like the New Year to commit to finishing what you started the year before. So without further ado here is Part 2.

Just in case you didn't quite catch it in the first part of my post I love Christmas. And by far one of my most favorite parts is our Christmas Tree. I love everything about it. I love the excitement I feel lying in bed the night before we head to the tree farm to pick out our tree. I love the smell of the tree as Hubby saws away at its trunk. I even enjoy the argument Charlie and I have every year about how the tree is too big (this is obviously not my position in the argument). But by far my most favorite part of our tree is when I begin to unwrap our precious ornaments. It is like unwrapping our history. It is like unwrapping my childhood memories of Christmas's past.

You see many would say our tree is not a "theme" tree. And in the traditional sense of a "theme" tree it is not. We do not have a 3 part color scheme coordinating both cool and warm colors to give depth and contrast. We do not adorn our tree in matching ribbon or faux Christmas fruit. But our tree has a theme none the less. Our theme is family and I have always called our tree the family tree. It is what I think about with each cherished ornament I carefully place on our tree. It's placement is always hand picked so the tree and its light will show off the ornaments beauty.

When I was a very young girl my mom started a tradition of getting my sister and I an ornament every year for Christmas. It was always in our stocking. Besides the book of Lifesavers we would receive each year it was by far my favorite thing to search for in my stocking. Due to time and our tree falling over twice, some of the ornaments have been lost which makes those ornaments I still have even more precious. By far one of my most precious is my Coca Cola ornament from 1979.

Of couse I can't forget the ice skates from aroun 1982

Or the clay angel with a penny pressed into her back so you would know what year this wonderful gift had been given to you. The artist called the angels Penny's from Heaven. I am sorry the pictures of her are not better but if I don't have time to blog, I also don't have time to get that perfect shot.

When Hubby and I got married 15 years ago in December, I knew it was a tradition I wanted to carry on. Hubby loved the idea and we began our tradition of a family ornament that first year while we were one our honeymoon in Canada.

I was thrilled Christmas morning to find that my mom not only kept the tradition going with my stocking but also had an ornament for my new Hubby (sorry but I forgot to take pictures of these two ornaments before they were packed away).

We have carried on our tradition ever since. Each ornament brings back a flood of wonderful memories that warm my soul. Like the year Charlie took me out for a very special Anniversary. We stopped at this wonderful little shop on Grand called the Hidden Cottage. We bought a beautiful deep red ornament. Afterwards he took me to the Nutcracker and then on to Beverly's in Coeur d'Alene for a late night dinner. The night was magical and I remember it like it was yesterday everytime I place this very special ornament on our tree.

Of course there is the year we went to Leavenworth for our anniversary and I couldn't decide between 3 Department 56 ornaments so true to my Hubby's nature he said to get all 3. I love each one of them.

And no you are not seeing things the third ornament is broken. I usually have it turned the other way so you can't see it. Yes I am so fanatical that I keep a broken ornament and still hang it on our tree. It is always tucked in on the side where our love seat is so I can sit there while working on the computer and gaze over and see it. I know its years are numbered.

It would be a shame to share our family tree without showing you my Hubby's favorite ornament. On a very belated Anniversary trip to Leavenworth we fell in love with Ne Qwa ornaments. Ne Qwa is where they reverse paint on the inside of the ornament. They are not cheap but absolutely beautiful. We both appreciate the artenship it takes to create one of these amazing ornaments. It is by far Charlie's favorite ornament.

Of course every year has not been a fairy tale ending with keeping our tradition. So ladies if you are wondering why your husband rolls their eyes at the idea of picking out an ornament together every year my Hubby is not too far behind them. He enjoys it but not every year which has meant some years me venturing out on my own or with my mom to get our ornament. It has also meant that he hasn't always liked the ornament I have chosen. Like in 1998 when I got a snowman ornament from Ganaans. It has a small hole on top of its head which when first shown to my Hubby he said "it looks like he was in a drive-by shooting." This was not the reaction I was looking for when picking our ornament. The next time he wasn't with me I used this incident as a good excuse to buy 3 ornaments and then told him to pick one.

We haven't always purchased our ornament. Some years they were homemade like this one...

Or last year when I made oranments for each one of us even though I knew our sweet peas would not see them on our tree.

Every year we add an ornament to our family tree and carry on the tradition started by mom when I was a little girl. This year was no exception. We received ornaments for us and for our sweet peas from both sides of the family. Each one is cherished and now wrapped and carefully placed in the ornament box awaiting to be reopened next year when I once again will be filled with the memories that warm my heart and soul.

How White is Too White?

2010-02-01T00:43:00.000-08:00

Before I start this post I think I should clarify a couple of things first. You will notice that I will use the word white instead of Caucasian. It is my preference. I don’t use the word Caucasian in my everyday life to speak in general terms of those who would be considered white or mostly white so I won’t be using Caucasian on my blog. I will also not be using the word AA or African American either. In my personal opinion I think it is rude to assume that just because someone is black they are African American. They could be Haitian, Jamaican, etc… If you are wondering if I call our children African American, I do not. As we have gone through our adoption process I have learned that Ethiopians do not necessarily like being called African. Africa is the continent they live on. They are Ethiopian. I completely understand. I don’t call myself North American. North America is the continent I live on. I am an American. I just wanted to clarify my choice in words before you read this post.

How White is Too White?

This question has been plaguing me ever since we started our adoption process but especially since we have gotten home from Ethiopia. I am not talking about the fact that although I am white I have tan skin and my Hubby is well… white, white. What I am talking about is how white is the world around me and is it too white racially speaking?

This is a question I probably would have never asked myself if we hadn’t adopted children who aren’t white. Why would I ask it? I tend to socialize with those who I have met through church, family, and work. They all happened to be about 95% white.

It is why when we were given the opportunity to adopt Isaac and Jocelyn I took a hard look at myself and asked the question if I am prejudice? Would I be prejudice against our children or the friends they chose or the spouses they would marry? When I told my hubby I wanted to take the time to think about these things he laughed at me and said “don’t be silly you’re not prejudice.” In all honesty I didn’t think I was either. But was that because I wasn’t or because my exposure to other races had been so limited?

In grade school there was one boy who I knew was a different color but I didn’t know the word for it. I now know he would be called bi-racial. The only other non-white kids I remember is a little Asian girl named Treng and a Pilipino girl (sorry I don’t remember her name). The first time I remember meeting a black person my age was when I was in 6th grade at a track meet. I was completely intrigued by her mostly because of her speed but also because she was different than me. I do remember studying her facial features and how white her teeth looked against her beautiful dark skin. I was a typical kid with typical curiosities.

In Junior High I remember very few students of a different race. I could probably count them on my one hand. High School was much the same. This pattern has held true for most of my life other than the year I spent in Phoenix at Master’s Commission. With such little exposure to other races how could I not take a hard look at myself? I wanted to make sure my love for Isaac and Jocelyn would be pure and unconditional.

Now that our sweet peas have been home with us for four months, I am asking the question again. How white is too white? Is our world too white for our children? Hubby and me have tried to stay very attune to the way our sweet peas react when they see someone who has similar skin color. We have noticed how they stare at marketing posters of black people in stores we shop at and they almost always make some kind of comment about them. Last Wednesday while visiting the YMCA we realized how much something has to change.

Not too long after Jocelyn adjusted to the swimming pool a family with a young black girl waded into the pool. I would say she was maybe 10 or 11. Our sweet peas were mesmerized by her. She came over to say hi and sat down across from Jocelyn. Jocelyn immediately began touching her hand and arm while jibber jabbering. I asked Jocelyn if she liked her pretty skin and she just smiled and continued to babble. Once Isaac noticed the girl had sat down with Jocelyn he quickly joined them. He just stared at her and smiled. Both our sweet peas loved touching her hair which was amazing! It was very long and her mom had been locking it since she was about 4 years old. It looked absolutely beautiful on her. After getting home later that night Hubby and me discussed how attracted our sweet peas were to the little black girl. Why not? Their world went from being completely black one day to very white the next.

We have discussed many times how to go about making our world more “colorful” without a lot of good answers. The one thing we have realized is that most of our friends are from church. We tend to hang out with people who have the same passion for God that we do and who hold similar values. Unfortunately our church is white…very white. If we are unable to add “color” to our world through our church where do we go? Do we go to the “worldly” culture around us that does not share our values? Do we want this to be the influence for our children? Our answer is a resounding no.

So where does that leave us? It leaves us in a very hard place. A place I didn’t realize we would be four months ago. It leaves us in a place where we are praying and looking at attending a different church. Do we know the church? No but we know what we need. We need a church that is multi-racial just like our family where our children can meet and be friends with other black children. Our goal is that our sweet peas would have multi-racial relationships that will have a positive influence in their lives. We know the relationships we have built at our church over the past 7-8 years will not change but how often we see them will. It is a difficult decision to make and one we will continue to pray about. Children bring change to our lives even if it is sometimes unexpected change. Change also means a new adventure and one we welcome to be on with our amazing sweet peas.

Nutella Etiquette

2010-01-30T13:00:00.000-08:00

It is important when eating Nutella on a piece of bread for the first time to use two hands...

Ummm...unless...

you are the Pistol Princess...

In any case it is always good to enjoy every bite...

If you get any on your fingers...

Remove Nutella immediately...

If it covers your whole hand...

Stick tongue out while running hand across your face...

Check your plate for any leftover Nutella...

Remove immediately with finger...

Aaahh Nutella...there's no better afternoon delight!

Litmus Test at the Y

2010-01-29T00:21:00.000-08:00

Wednesday we took our sweet peas to the new Y just minutes from our house to go swimming. We have couple of free passes to try out their new facility and we plan to take full advantage of them to make sure membership is worth it. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I was to go. I felt like a kid in a candy store all giddy and starry eyed. I even called Hubby at work to remind him.

So what’s the big deal? Well…I LOVE to swim. Since the first time my mom put me in the pool and signed me up for swimming lessons I have been in love with water. And guess what? I married a man who adores the water just as much as me! One really hot summer we spent most evenings at Lake Coeur d’Alene sometimes swimming until it was almost too dark to hike out from the trail. I love these memories and I can’t wait to make new ones with our kids.

I know this may sound strange but while we were waiting to bring our kids home, one of my worries was what if they don’t like water? What if they don’t like to swim? I know, I know of all the things to worry about you chose this? Yes I did. Sometimes it is helpful to worry about trivial things when it is too much to think about the really big things. At least for me it is.

When we were in Ethiopia our sweet peas were not too sure about their first couple of baths. This was all new to them. I believe they were washed and rinsed while standing in a shower area. I don’t believe they ever had a bath before.

But when we got them home, boy did their love for water blossom. In fact both of them have no problem dunking their head face first in the water. Isaac will even hold it there for a couple of seconds. And yes I had many small heart attacks the first few times he did this. To say the least, Hubby and I were thrilled to see them take to water like a duck. We have talked about membership at the Y ever since.

Like I have said before new experiences with our sweet peas can bring about a lot of unexpected things. We were pretty sure that Jocelyn would be fearless since she is our Pistol Princess while we expected Isaac to be more subdued. Can I just tell you how wrong we were? We were very wrong. Isaac was fearless in the water. I took him out in the deeper area of the water and he loved it. He couldn’t get enough of the pool. He completely trusted me.

Jocelyn’s experience was polar opposite. She was very unsure of the water and when I took her into the deeper water she began to cry. It was then that I realized that this was much bigger than just being in a swimming pool. This was a litmus test as to how well Isaac and Jocelyn have attached to us. Isaac’s willingness to go anywhere in the water while trusting that we would be there for him showed us how well he has attached to us (which we already knew but it doesn’t hurt to have a little affirmation). Jocelyn’s crying and unwillingness to trust me in the water proved to me (and Hubby too) that Jocelyn hasn’t completely attached yet.

Being somewhere new and needing help kept her from feeling in control and forced her to rely on us which was the last thing she wanted to do. She even cried to go to her Daddy which is rare when she is upset. Usually I am the only who can calm her. But being with me meant she had to face that she was not in control and that she needed to depend on me. It was more than she could deal with. I gave her over to her Daddy but soon after he brought her back and said “she needs you.” He knew she needed me even if she didn’t want me. I am so grateful to be married to a man who can recognize what our children need even if they unable to accept it.

I took Jocelyn back and she began crying again saying “bye bye.” I knew I couldn’t grant her request. I knew we needed to walk through this together so I grabbed one of our towels, wrapped her up tightly, waded out in to the shallow water and began to sing to her. I held her close and continued to sing as her tears quickly subsided. After a while we sat in the water with her still tightly wrapped in the towel. She began watching the kids and I could see her finally processing her surroundings in a calm manner. At one point she nodded with her head and said “tuck.” I asked her if she wanted to touch the water coming down out of the bucket above. She nodded yes. I unwrapped Jocelyn and threw away the towel while she wasn’t looking. She quickly came back after touching the water and sat on my lap looking for the towel. I told her she was ok and held her close while continuing to talk to her. She soon left the comfort of my arms to go touch the water again…then again… then again. Soon she was laughing and playing in the water with her brother. By the end of the night, she was walking around like she owned the place. Ah, there’s my Pistol Princess!

But the best moment came when she laid back in the water and allowed for me to hold her head while she floated. She then allowed me to pick her up and float her whole body. The whole time she was relaxed and willing to trust me to take care of her. It was priceless. It was precious. It was an emotional moment… one I will never forget. As we continue to form a family, these moments mean more to me than life itself. I never expected a simple night at the pool to have such significance or to be a litmus test of how well we are bonding but it was and our family is better for experiencing it.

Thanks Dad

2010-01-25T23:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my Dad, I had the privilege of joining my Mom and sister at the US Figure Skating Championships.

Thank you Dad for giving me such a wonderful opportunity to watch our figure skaters battle it out for the Olympic team. But more importantly, thank you for giving me a great excuse to spend time with my Mom and sister.

Who's Hoo?

2010-01-22T00:33:00.000-08:00

Like most toddlers, my daughter is very curious about everything...well...private...if you know what I mean. One day while Isaac and her were taking a bath she wanted to know what Isaac's was called. I don't remember what Hubby told her but when she asked about hers, Daddy told her it's a "hoo-hoo." The name has stuck.

Monday Jocelyn got her first baby doll for her birthday. Today she took off her baby's diaper to show me her baby's "hoo-hoo." I have added a picture just in case you are not sure what a "hoo-hoo" might be or who's hoo we are talking about.

Vacuum Etiquette

2010-01-21T13:32:00.000-08:00

It is important when you finish vacuuming to properly store your vacuum.

Vacuum Etiquette...very important in our house.

And Now You Are Two

2010-01-18T23:51:00.000-08:00

In January of 2008 you were born in a very small village in Ethiopia to a beautiful Mommy and Daddy. How do I know they were beautiful? Because you are beautiful. You are beautiful from the curly hairs on top of your head down to your adorable little toes. I fell in love with you from the first picture I saw of you.

While waiting to bring you home, we got to watch you grow and grow...

May 17, 2008...

August 2008...

October 2008...

February 2009

In April 2009 God continued working miracles when a lady I met through her blog emailed me to let me know she was in Ethiopia and would we like her to visit you.

She prayed for you...took pictures of you...and brought you gifts...

As we waited through 6 court dates you continued to grow and grow...

In September 2009 as we prepared to travel we received one last set of pictures...

Boy had you grown...

You were 20 months old the first day we held you in our arms...

And when we brought you home...

Then you were 21 months...

Before we knew it you were 22 months old...

And what joy you have brought to our home...

It's December now...your 23 months old...Christmas cards have been sent with pictures tucked inside...

Could it be?

Is it true?

Are you really two?

Yep...it's true...

You really are two...

We hope you enjoyed your cupcakes...

And presents too...

But more importantly may you always know how much we love you...

Living in Oblivion

2010-01-15T00:21:00.000-08:00

Being a stay at home mother of twin toddlers has meant living oblivious to most major news events. We have a TV but we rarely have it on when the kids are up. We feel no need to begin the television war with our kids. We have plenty of years ahead of us for that battle. Besides who needs TV when you are busy building blocks on top of your toy box (aka laundry basket)?

But missing the news every morning and/or night has meant missing important events. I do mean major. This would not include Brittney Spears shaving her head or Paris Hilton getting released from jail. I’m talking about real news about the world around us.

Missing the news meant that I was clueless to the earthquake in Haiti until someone mentioned it last night. My heart aches for the people of Haiti. Their loss is beyond anything I could ever fathom. But my mind quickly shifted to the orphanages in Haiti. Haiti has a very large number of orphans approximately 380,000 according to UNICEF. I wondered about the teams of people leading the orphanages. Were they safe? Did they lose their staff? Were they able to get the children out? Were all the children safe? How will these small staffs be able to comfort each child as they process this tragedy?

Then my thoughts drifted to all the families in process of adopting a little one from Haiti. There are so many unknowns in adoption. Your wait can be heart wrenching. I spent 17 months holding a picture of our sweet peas kissing their faces as I wept and prayed over them. Many times I lay prostrate on the floor of their bedroom which had been perfectly prepared for them begging God to bring them home. So my heart stopped for a moment as I considered all the families who are praying for the safety of their child. A child they most likely have not met. But a child they know. They have studied every last feature in the picture they have come to cherish. Their little one may not be physically present in their home but their little one does live there. He/she lives in the heart of their soon to be family, in the bed that is ready for them to sleep in, in the yard ready for them to run in and in the anticipation of the squeals and giggles that will soon fill their home. These families are no longer holding their breath for the day they get to bring their little one home but they are holding their breath to know if their sweet pea is alive and safe.

Many of the government buildings are badly damaged or have been destroyed. One of the court judges was killed in a building collapse. Many of these family’s dossiers are in these government buildings. Families are being asked to contact their adoption agencies and government officials to push for exceptions on Haiti passports so children assigned to families will be able to leave Haiti and go home to their new family.

Will you pray for Haiti? Will you pray for the people of Haiti? The cook at one orphanage has lost 11 family members. I can’t imagine the grief this person is experiencing right now. Will you pray for the orphanages? Will you pray for the families who are adopting from these orphanages? Pray that our government along with several other countries will allow children who have been assigned families to be able to go home without all the usual paperwork. More than anything pray that God will use this awful tragedy to draw people closer to Him.

If you would like to learn more about how one orphanage is coping please go to:

http://www.glahaiti.org/blog_dixie_haiti

The Applause…Heavenly

2010-01-14T00:24:00.000-08:00

My sweet peas love music. No they ADORE music. They beg for it to be on all the time. And if it is not on they beg for me to sing. Did you know that I love to sing? Ok well maybe not as much as they would like me to sing but I have always loved to sing.

So what’s the problem? It’s pretty simple. I can’t carry a tune to save my life. Every once in a while I will have a good day and can sing every song somewhat in key. But those days are few and far between. It is for this reason that I cherish my sweet peas begging me to sing. I know the day will come when with the honesty that can only come from a child, they will say, “Mama, please don’t do that.”

The other day they were begging me to sing Jesus Loves the Little Children. I have book that takes you through Jesus Loves the farm land children, island children, dessert children, etc… After about the twentieth time I was through singing the song. But there stood my two adoring children with their big liquid brown eyes staring so innocently into mine waiting for me to sing again. This time I sat down on the floor in front of them and began to sing the song one last time. I even warned them that this was the last time.

Jocelyn began swaying side to side and kicking her leg behind her with each sway while she sang “eeza, eeza …” over and over again. By the way eeza means Jesus. Isaac just stood there mesmerized by the song. It was like he was hearing for the first time instead of the umpteenth time. In fact it was hard to tell if he was even enjoying the song because he was so still… just staring deep into my eyes. But when I finished the song, I knew how he felt. He exploded with wild clapping while yelling “yay!” Jocelyn joined in with just as much enthusiasm. Nothing could have been better. It was like receiving the applause of heaven…and yes it was heavenly.

Did I sing the song again after their standing ovation? Hmm…I think you already know the answer.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

We wish you and your family a very blessed and merry Christmas from our house to yours...

In honor of all that God has done for us this past year, I would like to share with you the poem I wrote last year as we waited to bring Isaac and Jocelyn home. I hope you enjoy...

Our One Last Silent Night

It has been calm at the Organ's for the last 14 years...

Something we haven't held so dear

This year a blessing has come from our Savior who heard us speak...

Please Lord, give us the pitter patter of little feet

Who would have ever thought the answer would be two...

The God of the Universe that's who!

Preparations began from quilts and a painted room...

To tons of paperwork, oh there was so much to do

Now everything is complete...

Waiting for papers from Ethiopia is our next big feat

The hope of traveling in December has come and gone...

For a while disappointment ran long

Until we remembered our prayer to God...

To fill Isaac and Jocelyn full of His love

To keep them warm and safe...

Until that special date when we meet them face to face

His peace surrounds us as we sit and ponder...

When will that day be when we will see our little wonders?

January, February, oh how much longer?

Hurry Ethiopia we plead

For we long to see our babies....

So we can meet their every need

We pray for a miracle...

To travel a day real soon

Not just for us but all families longing for children to fill their homes too

Our prayer is the same, please Lord some day soon

Fill our home with the tune...

Of squeels and giggles

The sounds of joyous laughter...

And a happy ever after

Our prayer is the same, please Lord some day soon

Fill our home too...

With babies being rocked to sleep

The joy of God's love shared so deep...

Between us and our two little sweet peas

Yes, we sit and wait for that wonderful day...

When we receive notification of our travel date

Then with a joy filled sigh and a glimmer in our eye...

We will know it will soon be our one last silent night.

Tree of Tradition Part I

2009-12-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love Christmas. I love everything about it. I love having a season to celebrate our Savior’s birth. I love the parties and spending time with friends and family. I love all the photos we get with updates from friends and family near and far. I love the sound of the Salvation Army bell ringers, a beautiful reminder to help those in need. I love our traditions like making the first batch of fudge the day after Thanksgiving. But by far my favorite traditions involve our Christmas tree.

Every year the weekend of Thanksgiving we head to our favorite tree farm to pick out our Christmas tree. Every year we go with my parents and pick out a tree for us, them and my Grandma. I love supporting local farms and we love the smell a fresh cut Christmas tree in our home.

Of course this year was made extra special because of our two sweet peas in tow. They were not sure what to think of the whole experience. They kept nodding at Grandma to take them for another spin in the radio flyer (thank goodness we remembered to bring it).

But everything changed when Daddy began cutting down our Christmas tree. They got very quiet and no longer wanted Grandma to take them for another ride. Our sweet peas sat and watched intently as the first tree fell. Jocelyn gave it an “ooooooh” while Isaac watched quietly. By the time Daddy began cutting down the third tree Jocelyn knew she was a pro at this and began instructing Daddy on how to cut the tree down. Her poor future husband, he doesn’t stand a chance. I can already see her telling him how to cut down their Christmas tree!

After cutting the trees down and setting them beside the road, we headed back to the barn to wait for the tractor to go get our trees.

Jocelyn loved the tree shaker. This is where they sit the tree on a base and the machine shakes the tree to get out all of the loose needles. She felt pretty confident after seeing one done and began instructing the workers on how to do their job.

We headed to Great Grandma’s house shortly after to unload her Christmas tree and give our sweet peas more time to run around while the sun was out. All in all it was a beautiful day. Below you will find more pictures from our great tree adventure.

Nothing like a little argument on which way to go

They weren't too sure what to think of sitting on the tractor with Daddy

The many faces of Isaac:

The many faces of Jocelyn:

Grandpa teaching them how to fist pump:

Merry Christmas everyone. May you enjoy celebrating our Savior's birth!

2009-12-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

I realize it has been well over a week since the last time I posted. And yes, there is a reason for my silence. When I created my blog, I wanted it to be about everything this side of heaven. Obviously with our life now centered on our children the blog has also centered on our children. I keep thinking one of these days I will watch the news or have a stimulating conversation that does not involve potty training and what type of vegetables our children will eat. Then I could blog about something important, controversial, and make you/me think. But I realize as our family has had some real struggles this week that my blog could still be about something important, controversial and make you/me think. It just won’t be about the war, our president or any other number of subjects that pricks the hairs on the back of people’s necks. Instead I will choose another subject that just so happens to be at the heart of my life right now.

I have contemplated about sharing my/our struggles this week with you. I have been afraid that I might offend someone or that my feelings will be too raw or personal for some. But then I look over my blog and remind myself of why I started it in the first place. I started it to share with others the journey of life. My goal has always been to be honest…even if that means we may not agree. Even if that means that all of my posts aren’t about sharing cute pictures or funny little stories. If life was that surreal there would be no need for the self help section at the local book store and all psychologists/psychiatrists would be without a job.

So…here I go. This post may or may not make you angry and it may or may not offend you but I will not apologize. This blog is my little corner of the blog world where I will freely share my feelings and views even if they are not shared by all. More than anything, I hope this post will give you a chance to think and maybe see things from a perspective you may or may not be familiar with.

Can I just tell you that parenting adopted children is NOT the same as parenting birth children? It is not the same, it is not the same, it is not the same! I know many of you are sitting there saying “how would you know? You don’t have any birth children.” I do not need to have any birth children to be able to see the difference. There are thousands of books out there that address parenting from the perspective of birth children. Reading them alone clues me in that there is a difference. But I also have the privilege of knowing many people (friends, family, etc…) who do have birth children. I have also babysat many of those same children. I have been preparing to be a mother (or so I thought I was) for many, many years. And it is NOT the same!

Do you hear the frustration in my words? Do you know tears well up in my eyes as I try to write this? Can you hear how tired am I? If you can’t let me just tell you I that am. I am so tired of so many things right now.

I am so tired of people being around my children for a few minutes and then saying “they have adjusted so well” or “see Kelli you have nothing to worry about they are just fine. They’re normal.” Really? How can anyone be in the presence of another person for a few minutes or maybe a half hour and evaluate their total being as adjusted or normal? It is so frustrating. And I am tired of trying to educate people as to why they are not just fine and that they have not completely adjusted.

These fragile little beings are not quick fixes. You can’t pick them up and dust off the last 20 months of abandonment/attachment issues and say “all better.” Do you know what it is like to try to get a toddler to understand they do not need to be afraid? Do you know how hard it is to try to help them understand they are safe, secure and they do not need to fear us leaving them?

Go anywhere online and take a minute to study the importance of the first 12 months of a child’s life and you will learn that a great deal of how a child gets wired happens in those first 12 months. In those first 12 months this child is wired (or learns) whether or not their needs will be met when they are hungry, when they are afraid, when they need to be changed, when they need love, etc… So why is this so important and makes such a difference? Because in a child who lives in a healthy environment with his/her birth parents all of that child’s needs are met. That child is wired to know he/she is safe, secure, fed, and cared for. There has been no traumatic experience (again in a healthy birth family) that would make this child question or fear their needs being met.

Many children who experience certain trauma and or conditions in the first 36 months of life can have attachment issues or what is also called Reactive Attachment Disorder. There are approximately 10 or so conditions that will leave a child ripe for attachment problems. Of these 10 or so conditions Isaac has experienced at least 5 and I believe Jocelyn has experienced 6. It is painful to admit. It is painful to know that all professionals in the field of early childhood development agree on this one thing…these event/conditions cause trauma. After reading an article the other night I also came to realize that Jocelyn’s clinging to me those first few days was not out of immediate attachment but out of sheer terror from Post Traumatic Stress. It is hard to swallow that one of the most wonderful days for Hubby and me was probably one of the most traumatizing things for our daughter.

I am tired of hearing that raising an adoptive child is no different than a birth child. It is NOT the same! How can anyone see the two the same? A child coming from a healthy birth family has had a completely different experience than a child that has been orphaned and adopted. I will stick to my sweet peas to explain. Our little ones lost their mother when they were 3 months old. As far as we know she loved them and never planned to give them up. The father who had no clean water to be able to feed them formula gave them to a missionary asking the missionary to find them a family. Within the first 3 months of life our beautiful precious sweet peas lost their mother and father.

They were sick with yellow fever and underweight from not having formula. The missionary cared for them until they were well enough to go to the orphanage. A month or so later they were transferred. After approximately 6 months at the orphanage they were transferred to another orphanage due to some unfortunate circumstances. They were then transferred to a transition orphanage just before we adopted them. Have you counted how many moves? Have you counted how many people they loved and began trusting and attaching to before they were moved once again?

5 moves in the first 20 months of life…this does not include the move to our home!

6 care givers in the first 20 months of life…before we ever met them

…5 times they went through being moved to a new place, new smells, new sounds where nothing was familiar to them.

….6 times they had to put their lives in the hands of someone they didn’t know. Six times they had to begin to trust again that the care giver would meet their needs.

How can anyone say raising them (or any other adopted child) would be the same as a child who has only known one set of parents who have been a constant in their lives?

An article by Jessica Gerard gives a tiny glimpse into why life is so different for a child who has faced trauma. For our sweet peas the trauma has been the loss of care givers, home, sickness, and other things I will choose to keep to myself. In her article Jessica states the following:
Professionals who deal with children with attachment, reactive attachment disorder and post traumatic disorder do not agree on much. But one thing they do agree on because there is so many studies/research to prove it is that children with these conditions in the first year of their life end up with brains that are completely wired different. Some studies state that if their brains are not re-wired by the age of 6, the damage is permanent.

"Because these children lack a loving family to mediate traumatic experiences, and because the traumatic experience may persists for weeks and months, they cause long-term changes in the brain. These early traumas remain stored in the brain, and they will experience the same traumatic arousal when a later situation reminds them of that first trauma. Because their brains are flooded once again with the stress chemicals, and they focus again on surviving the trauma, they are incapable of thinking or doing anything else."

You CAN NOT raise an adopted child the same. If the child has experienced abuse, spanking will most likely feel like abuse. If the child has experienced abandonment, shutting that child in their room for a time out will most like trigger fears of abandonment. I could go on and on with tons of scenarios but these are the easy ones.

What I am most tired of right now are the things that are so hard to information on like toddler specific issues. Do you know how hard it is to try and understand if you are dealing with a “normal” toddler issue or if you are dealing with a stress/trauma triggering issue? Last Sunday we saw such an awesome high with Jocelyn to only feel like we have plummeted back to when we first brought them home. Eating issues that have always been present have gone to a whole new level. I have reverted back to holding her while she eats and have started to “bottle” feed her at least once a day.

It is hard to understand what has happened. It is even more frustrating trying to find answers and help. What adds to the frustration is that those who specialize in this field can’t agree. Sometimes their recommendations are polar opposites. You will find many criticizing anyone who does not believe in their method. But as frustrating as it is for me it has to be 10 times more frustrating for Jocelyn. I can’t imagine what she must be going through and I fear that my inadequacies and inability to handle things well at times just adds to her stress. I am left to ponder many things. I wonder…maybe she is finally at a safe enough place to feel the emotions inside of her…maybe learning to trust us scares her…maybe she is afraid we will abandon her soon…maybe…maybe…maybe. No matter what, I long for her to be healed. I long to understand so I can meet her needs.

One last comment: If you see around town and you have read this post, don’t be surprised if you don’t see anything different in Jocelyn. Like most children with attachment issues, these issues come out while trying to connect with their primary care givers. It is why so many adoptive families feel the need to connect with each other. It is hard to get others to understand what they cannot see.

A Break Through

2009-11-30T01:48:00.000-08:00

There has been one question that has plagued us every Sunday since we have been home from Ethiopia. When should we start transitioning our sweet peas into the nursery at our church? It has been a struggle every week. We have worked hard on attachment so we do not want to do anything that would unravel all of our hard work. But have you ever tried sitting through church with a toddler? Have you ever tried sitting through church with 2 toddlers?

In all honesty I have not gotten one thing out of Sunday service since we have been back. How can I or Hubby for that matter concentrate when we are busy trying to keep our kids busy while still being quiet. This gets a little harder too when Jocelyn decides that whoever is praying is taking too long. If someone’s prayer is past what she deems necessary she clearly says “Amen” in the middle of their prayer. It is a good thing she looks so darn cute while doing it. Most people just snicker and smile.

Last Sunday when we only made through worship time before Isaac began to get rowdy we decided to take them to the nursery and sit in the nursery with them. I will admit that I am the one that pushed for it. Charlie tends to be more reserved while this stay at home Mommy is longing for an hour of time in God’s house without a really cute wiggly daughter on her lap. To be honest they did quite well. Of course it helped that we were there sitting on the floor while they watched and played with other toddlers in the room.

This Sunday I was more than ready for Isaac and Jocelyn to go into the nursery for service. I am still having days (every once in a while) where it is hard for me to adjust. Saturday was one of those days. So…Sunday I was ready to actually worship and hear God’s Word minus our sweet peas.

We took them into the nursery and Hubby kept them busy while I signed us in. We noticed a small window of opportunity where they were both watching the other kids play so we snuck out of the nursery. Hubby and I told them to not let them cry for more than 5 minutes before getting us. We did not want them having separation anxiety overload. A nursery to them looks an awful lot like an orphanage (except with toys). As we rounded the corner of the hallway I could hear someone crying…”don’t listen” I kept telling myself. I tried to convince myself it wasn’t Jocelyn but I knew it was. I didn’t say anything to Hubby because I knew he would turn around and go get them. My only goal was 5 minutes in service without them.

I won’t lie it was hard to focus in service. I was worried about them…wondering if they thought we had abandoned them…wondering if we were doing this too soon. I kept checking the pager they gave us to make sure it was on and it was. The worship service was now over and Pastor Neil was speaking…

Seriously, do they not know where to find us? Our little sweet peas couldn’t possibly make it through service could they? I scribble a note on a piece of paper and hand it to Charlie letting him know I want to leave before service ends so we can see how they are interacting with the other kids. I was also worried they might get scared if they saw other parents picking up their kids if we were not there.

We get down to the nursery and never got the chance to see them playing because by chance Jocelyn happened to be looking at the door just when we got there. Her response triggers Isaac to look up. Can I just say I love seeing Isaac react to seeing his Daddy? It is a beautiful sight. One I wish everyone could behold. My son needs his Mommy but he adores, adores, and adores his Daddy. He usually yells “Daddy” amidst giggles and running in place with shear excitement. He was thrilled to us and couldn’t wait to cuddle up to Daddy. Jocelyn’s reaction was totally opposite. She instantly was distressed and had her arms up letting me know she needed to be held.

It was good to see that they had been in the same room with Melissa who heads up the pre-school ministry. Our sweet peas our familiar with her since she is our friend, has been at our house and is in our Sunday School Class. She informed us that they did great. They were crying when she got down to the nursery so she took them with her into the room with older toddlers. I think it was just what they needed – a familiar face to help subside their fears.

But the most amazing thing is what happened after church. And yes I realize this is a long post to finally get to my point but I thought it was important for you to understand what was going on to fully appreciate what took place next. Hubby and I came to the conclusion pretty quickly that Jocelyn had a break through Sunday. So what is a break through you ask? Well…it is when we can see an undeniable change in one of our sweet peas for the better. What is even more amazing about this breakthrough is that it comes on the heels of a really hard day for Jocelyn. Last Wednesday we could tell something was wrong but we didn’t know what. You could see the sadness and distress in her eyes.

So Sunday was amazing. We believe Jocelyn has come to a whole new level of security. We believe she finally has realized that we are not going to abandon her. She was so relaxed and happy after we picked her up from the nursery. In fact her constant jibber jabber from her car seat was non-stop. She would talk, laugh then say “hi” while smiling at me. For the first time since bringing her home we saw her 100% relaxed. She was so happy it was like someone had fed her a pound of sugar and had her wash it down with a 2 liter of Pepsi. In fact we couldn’t get her to sleep for her nap. She laid in bed hanging on to the crib rails swinging her legs back and forth saying “Na Na Na Na Na.” It took three trips into their room to settle her down and she still only slept about 30-40 minutes (by the way that is not enough sleep for her).

This new relaxed, overly excited, extra talkative (if that’s even possible) Jocelyn continued on into the night as we headed to my parents house to help them with a few things. She only needed reassurance one time as to where Mommy had gone. The rest of the time she spent laughing and playing with her Grandma worry free 100% relaxed.

We know we will continue to see changes. Most people in the field of adoption will tell you it takes a good year for a child to truly believe they will not be abandoned. Hubby and I believe this is very true and Hubby has a great deal of experience in this area since he wasn’t adopted until the age of 5. We know becoming a family is a process. Each day brings new adventures and joys. And some days bring with it an unexpected break through that fill our hearts with unspeakable joy.

A Day of Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T04:24:00.000-08:00

I will not lie...today has been a very emotional day for me. Yep, I get teary eyed pretty easily these days and today was no exception. I found myself many times having to choke back my tears. I have dreamed of this day for a very long time. Hubby and me celebrating Thanksgiving with little ones in tow. I loved every bit of today from organizing the diaper bag to deciding which toys to take to Great Grandma's house. Each step of the way I was holding back the tears. I had to swallow hard to keep from crying when Charlie prayed over dinner and gave thanks for celebrating this year with our sweet peas. I have never been so content or so excited to celebrate this amazing time of the year than right now.

This year was extra special because this is the last year my Grandma plans on cooking Thanksgiving. I think she was just waiting for Isaac and Jocelyn to get home to do one last Thanksgiving dinner before hanging up her apron.

Here is a snippet of our day (don't forget to read about Jocelyn's potty adventure at the end)...

We started off with the usual pre-travel musts like putting on our shoes.

They love going "bye bye" even if Isaac doesn't look like it. In his defense he had just woken up from his nap. It takes a while to get going after a good snooze. Unlike Jocelyn who if you noticed has her mouth open in both pictures...

...that is because she is talking...and talking...and talking....from sunrise...to sunset. Yep, she is all girl. Daddy doesn't usual put her shoes on so she felt the need to instruct him on how to put on her shoes.

We ate as soon as we arrived at Great Grandma's house. Can you see how much my family appreciated me taking pictures?

This was their first time sitting at the table and not in a high chair...

Isaac was in awe of all the food.

After dinner Isaac spent the time driving his cars on Great Grandma's dining room chairs...

While Jocelyn spent the time exploring the vertical blinds...

Hmmm...why would she think it is ok to get in Great Grandma's blinds when it is not ok to get in ours at home?

"Because I am a toddler MaMa...that's what toddlers do"

The rest of the time was spent playing while stripped down to their diaper/underwear (it was way too warm in the house for them).

Yep, that's my daughter's belly. Our tiny little girl...only at 10% for height and 25% for weight...has a belly that can compete with the gut of any beer drinker. Uh no, we do not give her beer nor do we drink it ourselves. I figure she is just trying to keep up with her Grandpa. Sorry Dad she just might have you beat!

Aw...there is nothing like a couple of toddlers to help you rest after a big turkey dinner.

And what better way to end the day than with a kiss from the cutest young man ever...

It's me Jocelyn...you know...The Pistol Princess

I just thought I would tell you about going potty at my Great Grandma's house since my Mommy might not get all the facts straight.

There I was sitting on the toilet minding my own business...

When out of no where the toilet paper just fell off the roll!

Oooooh this doesn't look good!

I mean Mommy wouldn't think I did this would she?

I mean she only left the bathroom for a minute.

Isn't it amazing how toilet paper can just fall off the roll?!

You see why I had to tell you about going potty at Great Grandma's house?

I'm sure my Mommy wouldn't get all the facts straight.

I just wanted you to know that *poof* and the toilet paper was on the floor.

A Thankful Heart

2009-11-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for:

- Our families and the blessings that come from having them in our life
- My hubby…no words could describe the debt of gratitude I have for him
- My beautiful, amazing, oh so adorable sweet peas…thank you for letting me be your Mommy
- Friends…the next best thing to family
- The emotional and financial support given to us as we adopted Isaac and Jocelyn
- Our home and the way it meets our needs
- Our car…Praise the Lord for all wheel drive (and no we never got stuck in 08’)
- My hubby’s job and they way it provides for our needs
- Our church…our much bigger family
- Those who help me when my two hands are just not enough when I am out with our sweet peas alone
- Great parking spots and those who still believe in holding doors open
- The sweet little giggles and squeals that now fill our home
- Grandparents who lovingly watch Isaac and Jocelyn while we get some of our own time
- The food that fills our pantry, warm blankets and the warmth of our fireplace
- A cup of hot chocolate after a wonderful day of sledding
- A long walk in the snow holding my Hubby’s hand
- And for all the other wonderful things that fill my life
…But more than anything I am thankful for
Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior
His mercy and grace which covers me anew each and every day

Oh Christmas Tree...Oh Christmas Tree

2009-11-25T00:14:00.000-08:00

Can I just say...I love, love, love the holidays. Thanksgiving is always the perfect kick off to the Christmas season. What better way to start the season than to take time to be thankful. It is a good way to start off celebrating Christ’s birth…truly the greatest gift ever given. What could be better than having the God of the universe say “here is my Son…He is my gift to you…the gift of eternal life.” Truly the effort to stay young looking becomes futile at this point. And who needs it? The next time someone wants to tell you about your new gray hair or wrinkle just remind them your body will be perfect in heaven and eternal. Now you see that 100th gray hair isn’t looking so bad is it?

As usual I seem to have digressed down a path that I never intended to go when I started my post. Only I could mix gray hairs in with Christ’s birth.

The real reason for this post is to share with you one of my favorite family traditions…getting a Christmas tree. And as you can all imagine, this year it is going to be extra special. Heavens, everything this year is going to be extra special. Last fall all we could talk about was taking our sweet peas to Huckabas to get a Christmas tree. By the time Christmas arrived last year I was afraid to hope for them to be home for Christmas of 2009. It is amazing to think it took 9 more months than planned to get Isaac and Jocelyn here. Yes, this year is very special.

Friday we will be headed out to the tree farm to pick out our very first Christmas tree as a family of four. Hubby will be carrying the saw and Mommy will be packing every camera and camcorder she can find to record this wonderful event. I can’t wait to cover our tree with a light dusting of flock and then a myriad of tiny white lights. Finally, the tree will be decorated with 3 generations of family ornaments collected over the years. I can’t wait to see their faces light up the first time they see the tree in our house.

Yes, this year is a very special year. This is the year to see Christmas through the eyes of our toddlers.

Blind Sided

2009-11-22T23:02:00.000-08:00

This weekend Hubby and I went out on our very first date since bringing our sweet peas home. I won't lie. I was like a giddy little school girl. We went to one of our favorite restaurants and to a movie called Blind Side. We have been waiting for its release and it was well worth the wait. It was a phenomenal movie. But I was amazed at how blindsided I was by the movie.

There are a lot of emotions inside of me that run very deep when it comes to adoption. Sometimes these emotions overwhelm me at unexpected times. Seeing the movie Blind Side was one of those unexpected moments. I was overwhelmed with the reality of how blessed I am to have my Hubby and two kids. There is such a fine line between a child found and a child lost forever. My husband could have been one of those permanently lost in the foster care system. He could have aged out without anyone in his life to call family, without a home to go home to. My heart breaks at the enormity of children who age out of the “system.” If they are not close to their foster family or have lost their birth family, where do they go? Whose Thanksgiving table do they sit at? Have they been given any family traditions to cherish? How do they feel when they see families who are close and living in a healthy loving environment?

What if Isaac and Jocelyn hadn’t been taken to a missionary to find them a home? What if their lives in the sea of orphans were not deemed valuable? What if they had been older when their parents died? Would they have been left to raise themselves on the streets of Addis? Would they have lived? Would they have ever known a life outside of hunger and primitive survival? Would they have ever known the love of a family?

Would have my Hubby or my children ever known the love of a family? No…no they would not have if it wasn’t for someone deeming their lives to be worthy of love. In Blind Side a family who had never considered expanding their family found themselves changed forever…changed by the decision to have a homeless child sleep on their couch for one night. This family could not escape the fact that this young man was worthy of love. It was undeniable. His life was torn, broken and filled with moments that would make anyone question whether they were worthy of love. They didn’t have to take this young man in. They didn’t have to make a difference in his life. None of us have to make a difference in an orphaned child’s life. We can easily live out our lives without ever doing anything. But before you continue on with your life, can I ask you a question? Is an orphan worthy of love? Is the child lost in the foster care system longing for someone to care for them and to have some stability…is that child worthy of love? Is the child living in an orphanage longing for someone to call Mommy and Daddy…is that child worthy of love? If they are worthy of love, what are you going to do about it?

Unnerware Anniversary

2009-11-19T23:47:00.000-08:00

I know I said I would post things we can all do to defend the cause of orphaned children. And I will. But...today this post is dedicated to our little girl who we have affectionately nicknamed The Pistol Princess:

A week ago today Jocelyn started wearing big girls underwear. Or as she likes to call them... unnernare. She just kind of self potty trained (don't you just hate it when that happens?).

For some time now she has wanted to use the "potty". But with all the transitioning, we haven't wanted to overwhelm her or stress her out. I have put her on the potty for fun and so she could get used to balancing on the toilet seat (I have no intention of buying a potty chair).

So last Tuesday I decided to see what would happen if I spent the day doing a little potty training. She did very well if you don't include me misinterpreting one of her signals which resulted in a ummm...well...ummm... a "present" in the dining room. I had to cover my mouth to keep from showing my shock. I didn't want her to think I was upset with her.

"What can I say Mom? I thought you got my signal."

We only had one more glitch on Wednesday so Thursday I took her out and bought her her very first set of unnernare. She wasn't too sure what to think the first day but now she points to them and says "pretty". The only time she wears her diaper now is for nap time and bed time.

For those of you looking for advice on potty training...are you kidding? This first time still adapting to motherhood mom has no clue how to potty train. This is one of the advantages to having a Pistol Princess for a daughter. No one is going to tell her she can't go potty like a big girl!

"I will go potty like big girl Mommy!"

The following message is from Jocelyn:

"I'm calling on all toddlers to give up their diaper wear n' ways and put on a pair of unnernare!"

"I mean who needs a diaper when unnernare are so pretty?"

Your fellow toddler,

The Pistol Princess

Forty-Seven Times

2009-11-17T23:05:00.000-08:00

God calls...no scratch that...God commands us 47 times to care for the orphaned and the widow. Why so many times? I believe it is because it is so easy to forget them. It is easy to forget the widow living in a nursing home with no family there to be their voice of need. It is easy to look the other way than to see the look of desperation for food, clothing and love in the eyes of an orphan. Believe me I know. Orphaned children living on the streets of Ethiopia were at every turn. It was so overwhelming I had to look away. But the image of the boy covered with scabs on his face begging not for money but for food to eat still haunts me.

God...how? How can I make a difference? It is just me. How many of us say this? How many of us truly don't know what to do? The low estimate of orphans worldwide is approximately 20 million. The high estimate is 100 million. With the aids epidemic in Africa and natural disasters in other parts of the world, this number grows at a rapid rate. How do you make a difference? I hope to share an idea with you every day this week. Each one simple...each idea will be something all of us are capable of doing.

So how can there be a simple way when there are so many in need? Here is one very simple idea. There are over 300 million people living in the United States. If 100 million Americans gave only $5 one time, it would fund over 16,670 adoptions. One of the biggest hurdles families face is the financial cost. Many families don't adopt because they don't know how to fund the adoption. Our adoption cost around $37,000 and we still need to re-adopt them here in the US for them to be citizens which will cost an additional $1,000 - $2,000. If it wasn't for the generosity of friends, family, employers, grants and the grace of God, we would not have been able to bring our sweet peas home.

Can you imagine? It would only take $5 given one time by a 1/3 of America to change the lives of 16,670 children. How simple is that? If a 1/3 of all Americans would commit to $5 a month for a year, it would change the lives of over 200,000 orphans. If the money donated only funded 1/2 of the cost of an adoption you would be able to double the number. So a year of $5 a month would change the lives of over 400,000 orphans. Isn't that amazing?! It doesn't seem so overwhelming does it? Are you ready to make a difference in the life of an orphan?

One organization that stands out in supporting families through adoption is Lifesong for Orphans. They even took the time to pray over us several times when we hit some rough spots in our adoption. They are a phenomenal organization with amazing integrity. If you are looking to help an organization that aids families in adoption visit their website at www.lifesongfororphans.org.

Are you looking to donate your $5 directly to a family? I know a family in Monroe Washington working feverishly to fund their adoption. Maybe you would like to help them directly. You can visit their blog and contact them there if you would like to "adopt" them in your effort to change the life of an orphan. Their blog is called Worth the Wait at www.nystrandfamily.blogspot.com.

November - A Very Special Month

2009-11-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

Can you believe me a lover of all things Christmas would call November a very special month? No...it isn't even because Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I have a multitude of things to be thankful for. This month holds a special place in my heart because it is National Adoption Month. I hope to take the time this month to honor our children, those waiting to be adopted, the orphanages that care for them, the orphaned families, those in foster care, the tireless caseworkers, the families seeking to adopt, and the organizations passionately seeking ways to help families bring their little ones home.

In an effort to celebrate National Adoption Month I have asked a newly found blogger and hopefully a soon to be friend (Rachel), if I could quote her blog excerpt from November, 9th. She has given me the blessing to do so and I will be forever grateful to her for allowing me to share her thoughts on adoption. I don't believe her words about adopting could be more eloquently stated. I have a few thoughts of my own I will share with you after you have the opportunity to be blessed with her words...

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of a child being “destined” for our family. When considering the whole picture, I envision Jesus crying with our child when he/she had to be separated from the birth family. For every child that is made available for adoption (much to the joy of waiting parents), there is a story of tragedy. Whether it is disease, death, abuse, or poverty, that child has been left alone, a casualty of sin and circumstances. Their stories grieve the heart of God and ours. Rather than "destiny," I think RESTORATION is more accurate. God joins together the grief of being orphaned with the grief of childlessness (in our case) and makes something beautiful – an adoptive family. It's a picture of beauty for ashes. Adoption is a restoration miracle and we give all the credit to our gracious, loving Father who does not "leave us orphans" (John 14:18).

As a wife to a man who was adopted out of the foster care system here in Washington State, and a mother to two newly adopted sweet peas, I can't even begin to explain to you the importance of Rachel's words. Amongst the joy of adoption, you as an adoptive parent can't shake or forget the fact that this amazing child is the product of a great tragedy. They are the product of loss. The loss of a family they may never see again or ever know.

I do have a couple of more thoughts I would like to add to what Rachel has so eloquently penned. I hope I do not take away from what she has said and hopefully she will not mind what I am adding.

I believe the restoration and destiny go hand in hand. God's desire is to always restore. He so deeply desires to lift us out of our life of sin and to transform us into a new life with Him that will lead to an eternity spent with Him. In his effort to restore us, He pre-destined his Son to die on the cross so that we might have eternal life (Eph 1:5). In the same way God takes the tragic loss of an orphan and predestines a family to restore to them that which has been lost. "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will (Eph 1:11)"

I love how the Webster dictionary defines destiny: to decree beforehand, to dedicate in advance. I believe God dedicates in advance the adoptive family who will restore the tragedy of the loss for the orphaned child.

I also love what the Webster dictionary has to say about restoration: a representation or construction of the original form. Is the perfect plan for every child to grow up with their birth parents in a loving and nurturing environment? Absolutely. Was it God's desire for us to live in the Garden of Eden with Him without sin? Absolutely. Just as God has restored us through his Son, God has restored the life of an orphan through adoption.

During this month when we celebrate all that we have to be thankful for, will you take the time to consider how you can be a part of restoring the life of an orphan?

We adore you

2009-11-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

Have I told you that I am married to a wonderful man? No, I wouldn’t dare tell you he is perfect but he is perfect for me. Let’s face it any man who can put up with me for 15 years should be a good man and he is. Where I fail miserably he excels incredibly. We are a wonderful fit for each other my hubby and me.

Now I have had the privilege of watching him become a Dad.

It is something he has not taken lightly (one of the many qualities about him I admire so much).

He is a wonderful man but an even better father.

Where’s the proof you ask? It’s in the eyes of our children when he comes home each night. The way their eyes light up when they see him walk through the front door is all the proof I need. They adore their Daddy.

Even Jocelyn who didn’t let her Daddy touch her or hold her for the first 10 days we had them. But that is what is also great about my Hubby, he is patient. He patiently waited for his daughter to come to him when she was ready.

Mom is still her favorite but snuggling with Dad isn’t so bad either.

Her favorite thing to do is to call his name. She adores calling “Daddy” and hearing him respond to her. It is such a joy to watch.

Now for Isaac, Daddy is his main man. There is no one quite like Dad and I love seeing the two of them together.

Isaac has so much to tell Daddy when he gets home every night.

He gets so excited too when Daddy comes through the door. It’s so cute because he wants Daddy to hold him but he is so excited he can’t hold still. He ends up climbing up and down Daddy umpteen times before he can settle down.

Every night when I announce that it is time for baths he immediately goes over and grabs Daddy. Nope, there is no going upstairs without Dad.

I am so blessed to be married to such a good man but I am even more blessed that he is such a good father. Today Hubby/Daddy I want you to know you mean the world to your family. We love you and adore you. Thank you for being a part of our lives.

Toddler Picture Taking Woes - Christmas Card Style

2009-11-09T15:20:00.000-08:00

The only thing worse than taking pictures of our busy toddlers?

Taking pictures of our sweet peas for our Christmas Cards.

So the question is...was I able to get a picture?

Or...

did bad pictures "rear" its ugly head today?

Was I able to get them to look at the camera?

Were there any with their eyes open?

Did I get more than 500 shots before the tears began to fall?

Did Jocelyn totally annoy Isaac?

Did they pray for God to stop me from taking more pictures?

Hmmm....

I guess you will have to wait for Christmas to find out!

By the way...

there are only 47 days until Christmas...

are you ready?

Toddler Picture Taking Woes!

2009-11-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

Those of you who know me well know I love photography.

I will never claim to be very good at it but I do enjoy trying to capture moments I see that I find to be beautiful...

interesting...

modern...

classic...

fun...

...well you get the idea.

It is always a challenge to me to try and capture in the lens what I am seeing or feeling at that moment.

Having children has brought a new dimension to taking pictures; one that I have not necessarily enjoyed. We do not have good lighting in our home for taking pictures even during the daytime with lights on. And I hate using flash. Unfortunately the weather here has been cold and somewhat rainy. So…there haven’t been many opportunities to shoot outside. Of course one of my best opportunities was the day I took them to the park but forgot my camera (I will discuss in more detail the loss of my mind in another post). For now, let’s stick with my toddler picture taking woes. So what are some of the frustrations that have come with trying to take pictures of our sweet peas?

Well…first of all they won’t hold still. Imagine that! I won’t bore you with the details of trying to make the adjustments needed for their fast movements. Or the fact that I am having problems using my flash which I desperately need inside of our home. My action shots have ended up on the cutting floor because well...they are all a blurr...

the cutest kiss ever...blurr...blurr...blurr

or they move out of the frame before you have taken the shot...

Besides trying to capture our sweet peas who only hold still for naps, there is the problem of getting them to look at the camera...

there is the ever popular shot of of both of them looking away...

or the shot of only one looking at the camera...

and my favorite is when they want to be inches away from the lens...

...please Mama, just let me touch the lens...

Of course last but not least of my toddler picture taking woes is getting them to smile...

But in the end...

when I am able to muddle through all the bad shots...

I find that I have captured a moment or two that take my breath away...

a moment shared between brother and sister...

moments of silliness...

moments of reflection...

moment of "how can I get in my box with Tigger"...

Each and every moment captured is worth the hundreds of blurred, distorted and missed shots. For the moments captured have been captured forever...

How is motherhood?

2009-11-06T01:04:00.000-08:00

I have had many people ask me about being a mom. How is it? How are you adjusting? The latter question I believe is the best question. How am I adjusting? Any time you change or modify the rhythm in your life, there is an adjustment. Heavens for me even driving the truck versus the car is an adjustment. I end up turning on the wipers instead of the headlights. I try to shift the truck into gear where there is no shifter. And on multiple occasions I have tried to open the truck door with my keyless remote for the car. So yes you could say becoming a mother has meant adjusting.

I was really hoping we would get our sweet peas last December as was the original plan. They would have been just shy of a year old. Since we did not have any children yet, I had always felt the younger the better. It is why I didn’t want a school age child. I figure at age 1, they wouldn’t remember all of my mistakes and hopefully by the time they’re old enough to remember I would have a better handle on being a mommy. But as with most things, God’s plan was not my plan.

So how am I doing? Let me first start by saying I wouldn’t trade being Mom to Isaac and Jocelyn for anything. My love for them grows deeper and deeper each day. Some nights I sneak into their room, rest my arms and head on their crib and just watch them sleep. It is in those moments that I beg God for wisdom, discernment, grace and mercy. I want to love them perfectly. I want to understand them and meet their every need.

I have never felt adequate at anything I have done in my life. So motherhood is no exception. At times my inadequacy has brought me to tears and wondering if I should be a mother. I think there must be someone out there more deserving of them. I long for them to have the very best…but they have me. The times of inadequacy have been some of my lowest moments. They are the times I am reminded of my need for my Savior. “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” (Phil 4:13). This helps me to remember that motherhood is not excluded in this verse.

The other part of motherhood that has been hard is seeing things in myself I don’t particularly care to see. I am reminded all too often of my sinful nature and how it has a tendency to rise up and show itself in how I parent. It isn’t pretty. It makes me forever grateful for children who are so willing to forgive their new Mommy of her mistakes. I am even more grateful that they love me anyway. And I am eternally grateful for a Heavenly Father who covers me with His grace and mercy each day.

Other adjustments have been more trivial like trying to keep up on the never ending laundry. Or making sure I have everything I need to make meals and that we don’t run out of milk. Also trying to find time to spend with my Hubby…alone…and sleeping in the same bed does not count!

But more than anything I have enjoyed adjusting to having little ones in my life. I love having Jocelyn hug my leg while I am trying to make lunch. I love even more hearing her little giggles while she tries to hang on as I move across the kitchen. I love that I can make Isaac laugh. I love his sweet little smile and his insatiable appetite for snuggling. I love the joys of life amidst the chaos. I love turning on their favorite tunes and grooving to the music toddler style. More than anything I love my children and I love being their mom. My prayer will always be “Lord grant me the wisdom, discernment, grace and mercy needed to be Isaac and Jocelyn’s Mommy. And may they come to love me being their Mom as much as I love them being my son and daughter.”

Shower Blessings

2009-11-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday I got the privilege of joining my Hubby at his work for a baby shower. Our caseworker had to cancel her appointment with us so I "gussied" up our sweet peas and headed out for the day.

At lunch we ended up with an impromptu break on the parking lot curb. I love these moments especially when I have my camera. I have yet to figure out how to get them to smile at the camera. Anyone have any ideas?

The shower given by Hubby's co-workers was absolutely wonderful. It was fun to meet everyone and to give them the chance to meet our two little blessings.

The cake was fantastic. There were definitely no objections from Isaac or Jocelyn either!

We received so many wonderful gifts including these adorable puppies that you could do all sorts of things with including play music.

And of course music in our house means dancing!

Jocelyn getting her groove on

Here she is letting us know the music is "all done"

Isaac loves music even more than sis. Here he is finding the right tune for dancing

Swaying to the song he picked

I wish I had video of this picture. He was moving his head back and forth perfectly timed to the beat.

The clothes you see in the pictures above were also given to us at the shower. They fit perfect! We got another set of outfits which I only have pictures of Isaac in. Jocelyn went through her outfit before I had a chance to take a picture of her in it. Welcome to motherhood!

We received gift cards too. I come from a family where gift cards are not a popular gift to give but I think they are wonderful. We are saving ours for this spring when we will need to buy summer clothes for them. What a blessing it will be to have those gift cards!

We had such a wonderful time. Isaac wasn't too sure of the whole experience. He gets very nervous when things are new. We know he still fears being taken away from us. It is a reminder to us that we have come a long way but we still need to be sensitive to their fears. Jocelyn however loved being the center of attention. She waved and blew kisses like they were a dime a dozen. She is definitely our little social butterfly.

Toilet of Fun

2009-10-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

I know one day when my kids are older they will absolutely hate knowing I posted this. Isn't it good to know by then it will too late? There will always be those moments we as parents get to enjoy knowing full well that it will embarrass the heck out of our children when they are older. But I have heard it makes the teen years a little easier.

So here I go...

Did you know you don't need to buy children toys? In our house a few boxes will do.

Notice how torn up the box is and yet it still brings good play time

including a Lenny Kravitz moment for sister

The other thing that brings great joy in our house without the expense of toys is the toilet...

Who knew sitting on a toilet could be so much fun?

I mean where else can you go to contemplate "should I have a PBJ or toasted cheese sandwich for lunch?"

And of course you can't forget about concentrating super hard to go potty.

Sometimes it helps to look away...

other times you must stare straight ahead and drool...

or you can always hope sticking out your tongue and grunting will help...

But if all else fails....

Give it your best face...

Before there were kids...

2009-10-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

Before we had kids...we had kids. They just happen to be a little bit furrier and never seem to grow out of the 2 year old stage.

April 26, 2009 we lost Hershey to cancer. She was 15 years old. Way too young in my book. Of course I am used to the cat that lives to be 18-20 years old. It was hard on me but it was doubly hard on Hubby. She was our first baby. Yep, I do mean baby. Nope, I am not some crazy cat lady. But when you long for a family for as many years as we have, you find ways to supplement your life.

Hubby called her Princess and she willingly lived up to her nickname.

It was hard to lose her especially during a time when we were receiving so much disappointing news about our adoption. I just kept saying “we still have Snickers, we still have Snickers.”

Our sweet lovin’ mouse protectn’ little Snickas.

Both of our cats were Mama's girls (don't tell Hubby) but Snickers has always held a special place in my heart. She is an unusual cat and not just because she is a Japanese Bobtail. Her fur is like thick rabbit fur. When people come over they can’t stop petting her (not that she minds). She adores attention and can’t wait to get up onto your chest where she can rub your face while she purrs and drools.

We get along great because she completely understands the need for a long Sunday afternoon nap (or a nap at any other time or place).

What else makes her unusual is that she loves me to hold her like a baby. I cradle her in my arms and she just stares at me and purrs (no really I am not a crazy cat lady). It has brought me comfort over the years as I have longed to be a mom. She just seemed to know I needed it. This leads into one more great part about Snickers. One of her many nicknames is “nurse” Snickers. She is the first one to try and make you feel better when you are sick. When I had my tonsils out at the age of 30, she never left me. She is also my computer companion. Always looking for an opportunity to slide in for some extra loves like she is trying to do right now.

So it was hard when we brought her home from my parents house and found a large lump on her back. Yes, I do mean large. I spent one night in my Hubby’s arms crying at the thought of losing her. A trip to the vet taught us that she had an abscess. A very large abscess hence the drain tubes you see coming out of her back. It seems that something bit her at my parents house (mostly likely a cat) and instead of the wound healing, it became infected. What a relief.

Until today…I found a new lump on her leg (heavy sighs). I had them look at it today when they checked her drain tubes. It is most likely a cancerous tumor. It is going to cost between 300-400 to remove it and have it biopsied. Hmmm…not what we want to hear.

So here we are at another bend in the road wondering the same thing we did at the beginning of April with Hershey, how much longer will we have Snickers in our life?

The first cut...

2009-10-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. A very, very long time. Isaac's first hair cut. It was definitely time.

Hubby and I both like boys/men with short hair.

We have a great local barber shop called Larry's.

Today was our first visit and we made it a family affair. We thought Isaac might need all the moral support he could get...and he did.

But after a few tears and giving Daddy the "what are you doing to me" look...

...we were able to see the finished look.

He wasn't so sure about his new "do". But we are sure we like it!

We knew he had changed his mind when we caught him staring at himself in the mirror smiling after his bath this evening. Daddy told him he looked handsome. He nodded and grinned from ear to ear.

Green Bluff Etiquette

2009-10-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

It is important when arriving at Green Bluff to do so in style...

There is no reason to lose your cool while you are picking pumpkins...

In fact there is no harm in striking a pose...

Or helping your grandma through the pumpkin patch...

You might even let the public see those baby brown eyes...

And just maybe you will show a glimpse of your flirty smile...

And maybe...just maybe...you will take your Mom for a walk while you are there...

But whatever you do...do it with style...

Those Eyes

2009-10-21T00:15:00.001-07:00

Those eyes...those amazing and oh so beautiful eyes...

...they say I love you...

...they melt your Mommy's heart...

...and penetrate her soul...

...everytime she looks at you...

...and holds you...

...it is a privilege to love you my beautiful little sweet peas.

Day 7 - Spokane or Bust

2009-10-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

Day 7 – Spokane or Bust

After getting our luggage checked back in and resolving some ticketing questions, we headed for the nearest souvenir stand. Jocelyn had gone through all but one outfit and my shirt looked like I had been wearing it for a good week straight. I was feeling refreshed in my new t-shirt and Jocelyn looked adorable in her DC onsie. Now we need good food and a place to run.

We found a great restaurant and ate everything they put before us. Airplane food leaves much to be desired. Across from the restaurant was an area where there was no flight traffic coming in or out. We decide this would be a perfect place to let the kids run free. Our only goal for the next 3 hours is to not let them sleep. I know it sounds strange after they have been awake for over 18 hours now but our goal is to have them so exhausted they will sleep from DC to Denver. And if we are lucky…they will sleep Denver to Spokane.

I can’t even begin to express how much fun it is to watch Isaac and Jocelyn run free. Isaac adores running and having the space to be free. He hasn’t quite figured out that running and playing peek-a-boo at the same time is not such a great idea. Jocelyn is the epitome of “monkey see monkey do.” Our 3 hours are gone in the blink of an eye.

Our flight from DC to Denver is just what we want it to be…uneventful. Jocelyn still does not sleep as sound as Isaac because she can’t move all over the place. It is hard to flop around while you are asleep in your mommy’s lap. I even got the chance to sneak back and use the bathroom. I got up to stretch my legs while she was asleep in my arms. The flight attendants were completely smitten with her. One offered to hold her so I could take a bathroom break. I decide to take the chance and it worked. Jocelyn never knew she had left her Mommy’s arms. Phew!

We spend the 1.5 hours we have in the Denver airport finding our next flight and grabbing a quick bite to eat. The rest of the time is spent fielding questions from those around us. Our sweet peas are beautiful so people tend to watch them and comment on how adorable they are (of course we already know this). But we also field several questions about if we have adopted them. We are definitely white (especially Hubby) so you can’t miss that they don’t quite match us. I find this to be a perfect opportunity to educate people about Ethiopia, adoption, and how others can make a difference in the lives of an orphan even if they do not want to adopt. It is a great way to pass the time while waiting to board our flight.

As we sit in the plane waiting to leave the runway, Hubby and me just look at each other and smile. We are finally going to be home. Home has never sounded so good. Finally we will be home with our sweet peas in our arms.

We are blessed again to have wonderful flight attendants. United Airlines has been impeccable in caring for us. It always helps when they are smitten with your sweet peas. Isaac sleeps most of the way from Denver to Spokane but as we suspected Jocelyn had no intention of sleeping. Shortly before landing I change them into the last clean outfits I have for them. I wanted them to look good when they meet their Grandpa H.

We are the last ones to get off the plane. It is just easier to wait. We are so relieved to be home. As we get down towards the baggage claim area we are met by many smiling faces and cheers of joy. Several of our friends had come out to give us a grand welcome home. It was so much fun to see everyone and to show off our sweet peas. It didn’t take long for Jocelyn to want down. She had the attention of so many people. She must entertain them!

Grandpa H. was late getting here to pick us up but it was kind of nice. Everyone else was already gone so it allowed my Dad to see them alone for the first time. I don’t remember the last time I saw my Dad smile so big. His pride was written all over his face. It is so good to share our joy with family and friends. Our journey has not been easy these last 17 months but we haven’t taken this journey alone.

To all who have prayed with us, wept with us, laughed with us and rejoiced with us. Thank you for being a part of our lives. Thank you for letting us share our journey with you. We look forward to celebrating this new life with you in the months and years to come.

Day 7 – or is it still Day 6?

2009-10-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

Day 7 – or is it still Day 6?

One thing I have found as we have traveled to Ethiopia is the sense of time lost or is it time gained? Between jet lag, babies up at night and the difference of time between here and Ethiopia, I am not sure what day it is or should be. We are on the plane and it is now after midnight in Ethiopia which means its Friday but we are no longer in Ethiopia. So do I stick with Ethiopian time? Or maybe since we are on our way to Rome, I should switch to the time in Rome. Of course it might help if I knew what time it is in Rome. Or maybe since our final destination for this leg of the trip is DC I should use Eastern Standard Time. That would make it 1:00 in the afternoon on Thursday which would mean we haven’t actually left yet. Huh? You see my problem? So I am blogging like it is Day 7. Don’t ask me what time zone I am using or I might tell you I am using “Kelli’s too new of a mom to have clue what time it is” time zone.

Isaac is now fast asleep in a bassinet attached to the bulk head in front of Hubby (with a little help from Benadryl of course). Jocelyn is asleep but restless. Both of them are basically too big for the bassinets but we are hoping they will be able to sleep in the bassinet at least part of the way. The problem with Jocelyn is that she is an all over the bed sleeper so expecting her to stay confined to such a small space is like shooting for the moon.

It is hard for us to get any sleep since the flight attendants keep waking us up. Do they really need to wake us up to ask if we want water at midnight? An hour later we are awaken to an attendant asking us what we want for breakfast. Breakfast? It is 1 am in Ethiopia. Whose time zone are they using? Charlie is able to finish his breakfast without disturbing Isaac but I am not so lucky. Jocelyn is awake. She hasn’t even slept for 3 hours. Sigh…this can’t be good.

The next 20 hours are spent trying to keep our sweet peas from turning the people around us into axe murderers. I truly do feel for those who were on the plane with us. We did our best but have you ever tried to keep a 20 month old confined to a space too small for the average adult for 20 hours? Oh, no you didn’t misread the 20 hours part. We touched down in Rome to refuel. We were not allowed to get off the plane. In fact, you don’t even taxi up to the airport. You taxi to an area where they fuel planes that are touching down only long enough to refuel. It is quite humorous to watch our plane taxi up to a fueling station. There is a line of planes and ours pulls up and parks between two other international airlines. I never thought I would be at a gas station for air planes. Anyway, my original point is the fact that we were on a plane for way too long.

So…what do you do on a plane for 20 hours with two toddlers…besides say “no” a lot? Well…for me it meant standing/walking with Jocelyn for about 6 hours of the trip. She hated sitting in my lap. I won’t lie; I tried putting her to sleep many times with no luck. I will have you know there is not enough Benadryl in the world for this long of a trip. Hubby and I were not big on using it but we were even encouraged by our case worker who is a child psychologist to use it. It worked when we first got on the plane but the second time we tried giving it to Jocelyn, she literally shook it off. She started to fall asleep but then pulled her head up in defiance and shook it real hard. Her eyelids never drooped again.

Isaac did real well until about the last 4 hours. He had it with the whole sit on Daddy’s lap thing. Did you know it can get a little ugly with a strong willed child on a plane? We had many moments of him staring at us with that “just try to make me” look I so detest love. Poor little guy. He has yet to realize that his new Mommy helped inspire the book for the strong willed child.

We arrive at Dulles and I am more than ready to help the flight attendants open the doors or whatever else they need to get us off this plane. We are ready. Sweet peas are in their Ergo Carriers. Every nook and cranny has been checked for possible lost items. All of our carry-ons are organized and ready to move. And yet the doors have not opened…tick tock tick tock… Isaac and Jocelyn are getting irritated because they are now confined to our bodies (not what they at this point). The pilot announces that there is no one there to get us connected to the concourse. “I’m sorry what? Seriously? Did no one check to make sure they would be ready for us? Could we really fly into such a huge airport without anyone being aware of it other than the flight tower?” The pilot goes on to say that we will have to wait for the airport’s plane mates to get us. These are large vehicles that can hook up to the plane and then transport us to the Passport Control Center. At this point I am beginning to understand “going postal.” I have slept a total of 2 hours in the last 35 hours. I am in no mood to wait for anything neither is Isaac or Jocelyn.

We finally enter the plane mate and after a long wait are transported to the Passport Control Center. Everyone entering the US whether American or not must go through Passport Control to enter the US. We are now the next family in line to meet with a Passport Control person (probably not their official title). Hubby tells me I need to get behind the yellow line like the sign says. I look down at the sign that says stay behind the yellow line. My toes are behind the yellow line. Charlie gently says to his incoherent sleep deprived wife “not that yellow line – it’s the example – this yellow line behind you.” Oh, well looky there…there’s a yellow line extending the length of the Passport Control area directly behind me. I give myself an E for effort though.

The person we meet with takes our passports and the all important sealed documents. He carefully examines the seals to make sure they haven’t been broken. Once satisfied, he opens the documents and begins to stamp them several places. I breathe a sigh of relief. Now we have just one last hurdle to jump through…immigrations.

Before going to immigrations, we have to pick up our luggage at a special baggage claim just after the Passport Control area. This is a requirement so customs can check your luggage if they deem it necessary. Have you ever tried finding a black duffel bag after 2 hours of sleep in 35 hours? Do you know how many people travel with black duffel bags? For the first time I am wishing our luggage was neon pink like my moms. Hers was easy to find…no one else in their right mind…except for Paris Hilton would buy neon pink luggage. If you are not sure what I am talking about, please refer to my post from September titled “Pink Paris.” After Hubby and I search for about 30 minutes we finally find our duffel bag (note to self: never travel with black duffel bag again).

We move onto immigrations where a very kind woman who could see the exhaustion on our faces informed us to have a seat. She took the forms and placed them in a file organizer at the back. There were many families ahead of us since it took us so long to find our infamous black duffel bag. We sat down expecting a long wait but when the first immigration’s person comes available the nice woman plucks our file from the back and hands it to the gentleman. She says something to him and he leaves with our files. When he returns he calls us up to his booth where he hands us Isaac and Jocelyn’s passport and says “you’re free to go.” Our response “really?” His response “yes.” We stood there in shock for a moment and then thanked him and left. We were prepared to be taken into a room and asked many questions before we were granted access to US soil. We know several families who have had a much longer process through immigrations. This is living proof that God truly does not give us more than we can bear. This worn out no longer coherent Mommy needs a break. This is it. Praise the Lord!

Day 6 – Part III – 37 Hours and counting

2009-10-14T00:57:00.001-07:00

Day 6 – Part III – 37 Hours and counting

Now that we are finally through all the check points we immediately start looking for a place to get some water, juice or whatever we can find. I have brought two large bottles of water with us but I am saving them for the plane. I want to make sure I have plenty of water to make food and formula. Hubby finds a kind of bar/eatery and waits at the counter for help. After 15 minutes I head off with Jocelyn to find something else before Jocelyn begins to have a meltdown. I find a duty free shop with water and proceed to the cash register where I am informed that they need my passport and airline ticket for me to purchase the water. Seriously?! I can’t even enter the airport without a passport and airline ticket! Why should it matter now? It’s water for heaven’s sake! I immediately turn on my heels to look for somewhere else to buy something to drink. As I leave the duty fee shop, I hear the lady calling to me “would you like me to hold these two waters for you?” I would think she knew the answer to her question before she asked it.

I finally find a place at the other end of the airport where I was able to get some Pepsi for us and mango juice for Isaac and Jocelyn (they didn’t have a lot of options). To my surprise the pop wasn’t warm but had actually been cooled a wee bit. This was a big blessing considering it is usually served warm. Yes, you can get ice but since their water is not clean it is not advisable. On the way back I notice a money exchange booth. I make a mental note to let Hubby and mom know since we still had birr to exchange back to American money.

By the time I make it back to everyone, Hubby is holding his own Pepsi. We didn’t mind having the extra pop and he was unable to get anything for the babies. I popped open the mango juice for Isaac and Jocelyn and they sucked it right down. After downing a couple of bottled pops, we decide to take the last one with us. We were not far from the bar/eatery when a man comes running after us telling us we can’t take the pop. Charlie explains that we paid for it. He informs us we can’t leave because he wants the bottle back. I am beginning to think we stepped on another planet when we entered this airport. While Charlie argues with the man I begin chugging the Pepsi. I will be darned if we are giving him back the bottle full. It cost $10 (American) for the two pops. I finished the pop and we walked away with Hubby still spouting a few choice words at the man. Yep, you guessed it. My calm, patient hubby has finally gone over the edge where I have been since the ticket lady told us that she didn’t have any tickets for our sweet peas. We all have our breaking points and this was his.

We find a couple of the other families who will be traveling back on the airplane with us and discuss when we will know where to go to catch our plane. There has been no announcement as to what gate the plane is at nor is our flight showing on the reader board. Finally…we hear our flight being announced and head toward the gate. To our surprise we see that we will yet again have our luggage screened before we can enter the gate area. A man at the screening area informs me that the large bottles of water I had been saving for the 18-20 hour flight are not allowed. I explained to him that it was not for us but for the babies’ food and milk while we travel. They would not budge. I proceeded to make formula for 2 sippy cups and 2 bottles. I then make as much oatmeal as possible in the two small bowls I had packed for the plane ride home. My Mom, Hubby and me stood there and drank as much as we could before handing what was left over to the screening person. The most frustrating part about this was that I thought I had read everything about what we could and could not take both in the US and in Ethiopia. I never remember reading anything about liquid limitations in Ethiopia.

I am thrilled to see that there is a large open area next to the seating area inside the gate. Charlie and I agreed this will be perfect to let Isaac and Jocelyn run off some of their pent up energy. They have been cooped up in the van or the Ergo Carriers for the past 4 ½ hours. I also read the label on the mango juice after they drank it; a whopping 37 grams of sugar in a 12 oz bottle. Hmmm this is not the ideal drink for a 20 month old before boarding a plane. It will be good to get them worn out.

Isaac takes to the open space like a duck takes to water. He runs everywhere with his head tilted sideways laughing the whole way. It is so much fun to watch his free spiritedness in action. Jocelyn learns that there is a ledge along the rail of the floor to ceiling windows. It doesn’t take her long to realize she can step on the ledge if she holds onto the railing. She looks at us with the biggest grin as if to say “see how smart I am.” A man in uniform comes over and tells us we need to go sit down. He directs us over to 4 seats that allow about as much room as the plane allows for space. Wow, I can’t believe this is happening. Our kids were not disturbing anything. They were just playing. Now we have to spend the next 45 minutes in a confined space before we spend the next 18-20 hours in another confined space. I know Hubby and I are thinking the same thing “why didn’t we upgrade to first class?” Oh, that’s right. It was an extra $1,000 per ticket. At this very moment, a $1,000 doesn’t seem like much.

We board the plane and learn we have been upgraded to business class. Praise the Lord! It doesn’t have the room of first class but on a 767, this is a big deal! We flew on a 767 on the way over and there is no leg room to speak of. Hubby is only 5’11” and his knees were hitting the seat in front of him. It will definitely make it easier with our babies. Charlie and I settle into the two seats that are together while Mom settles into the seat across the aisle from us. It is perfect. Isaac and Jocelyn will be able to keep each other company during our long flight.

One of the lead flight attendants comes up and greets us and asks us about our babies. She doesn’t ask the typical question of did you adopt them. Many families travel on Ethiopian Airline to bring home the children they have adopted. So it is an automatic assumption if you are white with an Ethiopian child(ren) you have adopted. Her questions start with things like how old are they? How are they adjusting? I thought it was so wonderful to have someone taking such a keen interest in our sweet peas. But I soon realize there is another agenda unfolding before us. She informs us that we both can’t sit together with the kids. One of us is required to sit in the middle section of the plane. It is the rules she tells us. We tell her we will switch before we take off. At this point the kids had just settled in and we weren’t ready to upset things knowing full well it would take some time to get everyone aboard. She looks at us and says “yes, you switch now.”

Once Charlie settles into the center section of seats, the attendant notices Isaac sucking his thumb and takes it upon herself to tell him in Amharic that men don’t suck their thumbs. She then pulls his thumb out of his mouth and when Isaac tries to put it back in his mouth, she again pulls his hand away. Isaac immediately gets upset. How do you tell a flight attendant that you don’t want to offend at the start of the trip “don’t touch my child?!” Do we really need to make a 20 month old baby cry before we have even left the tarmac? As far as we are concerned Isaac could suck his thumb until the cows come home. I kept wondering if there were a pair of ruby slippers stashed somewhere. I so desperately wanted to put them on close my eyes and say “there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home…”

Day 6 – Part II – The Start of the End…could it get here any faster?

2009-10-13T01:21:00.000-07:00

Day 6 – Part II – The Start of the End…could it get here any faster?

After getting back from our small excursion, I finish getting us packed while trying not to think about the visas and passports we don’t have yet from Abdissa. I spoke with Abdissa right after we got back making sure he would be dropping our visas off before we leave for the airport. We can’t leave the country without Isaac and Jocelyn’s visa packets and passports. He reassures me he will be at our Guest House in the next hour. Hmmm what does “in the next hour” mean? Well…for an American like me…it means he will be here in the next 60 minutes. Two hours later we see Abdissa’s car pull up to the Guest House. Every last one of my nerves is fried. It is a good thing I married such a calm man. Hubby looks at me smiles and says, “See everything is going to ok.” I am so blessed.

The documents that we are able to look at are amazing. We have birth certificates for them showing us as their parents. I have to hold back my tears as I see them for the first time. The certificates are made of thick shiny paper with a pale yellow pattern covering the paper and a silver border. They are written in English and Amharic. We also receive the Judgment approving our adoption. One is in English, the other is in Amharic. As I said in the first sentence, we were not able to look at all the documents. We were handed two packets that have been sealed and can only be opened in Washington DC by the immigrations department. If we open it for any reason before then, we will not be able to enter the US with our sweet peas. Holding these packets is like holding our sweet peas. They are precious cargo.

It is less than a ½ hour before we are supposed to leave when we are asked to come downstairs to the living room for a coffee ceremony. We gladly accept. In the living room near the entrance to the guest house there is a woman crouching over the ceremonial mat preparing our coffee. The coffee beans were ground by her and placed in a traditional coffee pot. The pot is then placed on top of hot coals. She then uses a grass weaved fan to fan the coals. The tea cups have been perfectly situated on a serving tray with another serving tray next to it with raw sugar and fresh milk. The cups for the coffee ceremony are beautiful, delicate and small. As I have said before, their coffee when served this way is VERY strong. There is no need for the 24oz cup.

Hanock arrives before the coffee is ready so we ask him to join us. He humbly accepts our offer. Earlier in our trip, Hubby had asked him if he had ever seen snow. He laughed and said “no.” Since we had time, Charlie pulled out our camcorder and showed him the shots we had taken of one of many nasty snowstorms we had last winter. We also showed him the 4+ feet of snow on top of our truck. He looked at the video in amazement and asked us “you drive in this?” We laughed and told him yes. He just shook his head. We were so glad Hanock could join us for coffee since he had taken such good care of us all week.

After a cup of wonderful coffee, we load up the van and head towards the airport. Hanock informs us that Isaac and Jocelyn’s primary nanny will meet us in the parking lot of the airport. We were thrilled and couldn’t wait to get there. We wanted to make sure we had time to take pictures and let her know how much she means to us. The drive to the airport is somewhat surreal. We are leaving a place where our kids were birthed not knowing if we will ever be able to return. In just 45 hours, we will be home. A place where our babies will grow up that will be just as foreign to them as Ethiopia has been to us. I am ready. I am ready for this journey to end and our new journey to begin.

There will be some things I miss about Ethiopia like the people. Their hospitality is wonderful and they have such a kind spirit about them. I will miss seeing all the things carved and made by hand. There is so much beauty in items that have been perfectly fashioned with ones hands. And yes, I will miss the coffee ceremonies which take place every evening in the homes of the Ethiopian people.

There will be some things I won’t miss about Ethiopia too. I won’t miss the seeing children along the roadside waiting to shine people’s shoes. I won’t miss seeing the crippled and woman who have been widowed begging for food or money. I won’t miss the dirt, garbage and the smell of diesel fumes mixed with burning garbage.

We arrive at the airport and park. Hanock informs us that the Nanny is still on her way and should be here any minute. We have the men load our luggage on carts while we wait. I teach Isaac and Jocelyn to twirl while holding their hands out. They and the people around us get a big out of the twirling. Hanock calls the Nanny again knowing we no longer have time to wait. There is no answer. I can see the concern in Hanock’s face. He knows it is important to us but it is just as important to her. Hubby finally steps in and says “Kelli, it is 6:30. We were supposed to be inside at 6:00. We need to go.” He is right. We can’t wait any longer. We hug Hanock one last time and thank him for everything. We tell him if he ever comes to the US, he can stay with us and help us shovel snow. He just laughed and said “no that’s ok.”

We cross from the parking lot to a walkway where two men stand vigil. You can only enter the airport if you are flying. No other guests, relatives, or friends past this point. It is a weird scene to me. Across the parking lot you see gatherings of people saying their farewells. We pass by the men and head inside where we are ushered to an area where our luggage has to be screened before we enter the airport any further. Our passports are also checked. A man working for the airport stops us before our luggage can be screened and says “whose children are these? Where did you get them? Who do they belong to?” He was not going to let us through. “God is this really happening? Have we come this far to be stopped at the airport?” I tried to explain to him that we adopted them and showed him their passports but it was not good enough. Hubby sees a woman in an airport uniform close by and informs her that these are our children. When she realizes what is happening, she immediately scolds the man and then begins putting our luggage through the screening process.

The airport is hot and muggy. I am not sure if Isaac and Jocelyn sense something is different or the stress in my voice or the heat of the building but they are restless. We tucked them into their Ergo Carriers to get them through the airport and it has become a life saver. We make it to the Ethiopian Airline counter where we are handed forms we need to fill out to leave the country. One for each of us including the babies. Boggled down with luggage, carry-ons, and children we scramble for the information they need and struggle to remember the dates they asking for on the form. I am frustrated because none of the information pertains to the twins since they are from Ethiopia. I also can’t fill out their Visa information because it is sealed in an envelope and can’t be opened. Is this a sign of things to come?

I hand the lady at the Ethiopian Airline counter our information with all of our passports. She proceeds to inform us that the children are not ticketed. “Seriously…is this really happening? God you tell me in your Word that you do not give us more than we can bear. I believe you have more faith in me right now than I do. Please Lord, let this be over, let her find the information she needs.” I am not sure how much time has passed but all the other families have made it through and we are still here. I point again to the information for the babies on our paperwork. Finally, she finds them. I then spend the next 15 minutes trying to get her to understand that Washington DC is not the same as Washington State. She wants our luggage to stop in DC. Somehow she finally understands that there is more than one Washington in the US but she doesn’t have the airport code for Spokane, WA. By this time I am hot, angry, frustrated, completely stressed, and Jocelyn’s mood is not much better. Thank goodness my hubby shouts out “GEG.” Many minutes later we have our tickets and we are off to the next check point.

I am not sure what this check point is called nor do I even care. We are ushered to a window where we are asked for our passports and the forms we filled out while in line at the ticket counter. I shoved them all in my satchel but two have literally disappeared. At this point, Jocelyn is crying and I am trying to help my mom fill out a new form so she doesn’t have to find her glasses. The somewhat rude woman at the booth hands me back Isaac and Jocelyn’s forms and tells me they need to be completely filled out. I told her that wasn’t possible. They didn’t travel here with us so most of the information we couldn’t fill out. I also informed her that they are not old enough to be able to sign the form. I tossed the paperwork back at her and turned my back to her before I said anything I would regret. I knew at this point I was probably being an “ugly” American but what would have transpired if I hadn’t turned around would have been much uglier. While I tried to cool down, I focused on trying to calm Jocelyn. She has soaked the front of my shirt with sweat and is in no mood to be consoled. But with a little bit of coaxing she begins to settle down.

For the first time since we arrived, I am counting the minutes until we leave. The airport is one big debacle. I can’t leave this place fast enough. Could anything else go wrong?

Day 6 – The Start of the End…the Start of the Beginning

2009-10-11T01:31:00.000-07:00

Day 6 – The Start of the End…the Start of the Beginning

Wow! I can’t believe it is Day 6 of our forever life changing journey. Our life…hmmm…it will never be the same…no more quiet nights at the dinner table…no more sleeping in…no more going places on a whim…nope…no more. It is good to be able to say no more. I remember us saying it when we started trying to have a family. I remember saying it when I was pregnant. I remember saying it 17 months ago when we started this journey. And now…the no more is finally here. I embrace it willingly as I begin to get us packed and ready to leave.

There is so much to do to get ready to leave. How do you prepare for a 37 hour journey home with twin 20 month olds when you have never had children? Stay focused. Pack first for the plane and let everything else get crammed into suit cases. But I can’t quite finish packing yet. Hanock is coming to pick Charlie and me up to go to Hallesy’s (spelling?) and to go by an Ethiopian Airline Office. We were informed by another family last night that we were supposed to confirm our tickets. I tried calling them but they couldn’t seem to understand me.

Hanock is right on time and his timing couldn’t be more perfect. Isaac and Jocelyn are busily playing with Grandma. It is a perfect time to sneak away. It is heart wrenching to leave our sweet peas with Grandma but we need to if we are going to get some last minute things accomplished before we leave. As we get in the van, we realize that our clean get away wasn’t so clean. We can hear Jocelyn crying. The only thing that keeps me from turning back is the fact that I know my mom can handle it. Note also said he would help in any way possible too. Note loves the children and is so determined to hold Jocelyn before we leave. She enjoys playing with him just as long as Mommy is near and he doesn’t try picking her up.

Hanock informs us on the way to the Hyatt Hotel (there is an Ethiopian Airline office there) that our sweet peas’ primary nanny is going to meet us at the airport today. We are thrilled! She was not working the day we were able to go to Grace House and we have had no time to go back. We thanked Hanock for the exciting news as we turned our attention to taking pictures. It is hard to take pictures from a moving vehicle. It is even harder to take pictures with a 20 month old on your lap. I am trying to take in every sight possible as Charlie clicks away with the camera. He does his best to swap from camera to camcorder and back again. Some of the images we see are hard but this is our babies’ heritage. This is where they were born. I want to see it. I want to absorb it.

The landscape is so rich with thick luscious grass and all kinds of trees. The variety is endless including a tree that has large beautiful magenta colored flowers blooming on the top part of it. I see dahlias of every kind. Hydrangeas with blooms as big as pom poms. The rainy season has just ended so everything is at its peak for lushness.

After a quick trip to the Hyatt Hotel, we head to a place called Hallesy’s. I don’t know how to spell it abut you get the general idea. The building is close to the postal shops. There is nothing on the outside to let you know you have arrived at Hallesy’s. It is a plain somewhat stark white building. They have their own parking behind their fence. The lot is empty but us. Michelle with Kingdom Kids had recommended coming here for souvenirs. Boy, were we glad she did! It is what they would call a souvenir shop but it doesn’t remind me of the ones in the US. For one, it is too big. Second of all, these are nice “souvenirs.” When I think of souvenirs, I think of the Mickey Mouse hat with your name stitched on it from your last whirlwind trip to Disneyland. I don’t think of statues hand carved from ebony or pendants hand crafted from solid silver. We could have spent hours in the store.

The store was comprised of approximately 5 decent size rooms. The first one held hand painted canvases, carved statues and the start of their ornate jewelry selection. The next room carries on the jewelry theme and moves into hand crafted traditional musical instruments. By the way…did you notice the theme? Everything is hand crafted here. There is no tag that says “made in China” or “made in Indonesia.” It is all made by the people of Ethiopia.

We are then drawn into the next room with more jewelry which I soon realize is much more expensive than the first room. There is a glass enclosed case with large blocks of wood that have been carved and painted. Most of them depict scripture. One of them has the birth, life, death and resurrection of Christ. We work our way into the next room which is filled with hand crafted table linens, leather sandals, traditional Ethiopian dress and a few basic scarves. The last room is filled to the brim with hand woven baskets. Some are very small while others are very large like the traditional serving stand.

We move as quickly as possible through the store picking out items we would like for our home and several precious things to be given to Isaac and Jocelyn. These precious items will be given to them at key points in their life as they grow up. What’s that? You say you would like to know what we got them. Sorry, there are just some things this Mommy will choose to hold close to her heart.

Day 5 - Part III - The Celebration

2009-10-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

Day 5 - Part III - The Celebration

We arrive back at the Guest House with only an hour to spare before we will be picked up again for a night of celebration put on by Abdissa. I quickly prepare some oatmeal for the kids while Charlie tries to get some things organized for us. Hubby is not looking forward to this evening at all or at least the portion that takes us back to the transition orphanage. Our kiddos become tense whenever we go there. He asks me if we can skip the evening events. I so badly wanted to say yes knowing how tired we all are but I reminded him that the orphanage should only be a small part of the evening.

Time has been a battle for us since we have arrived. We wanted to fly in a day early to Addis Ababa so we could have some time to do some things before we got our sweet peas on Monday. Unfortunately, there are only a couple of days a week that Ethiopian Air flies in and out of Washington DC. This meant us flying in several days early or leaving several days later than this Thursday. Financially, this was not an option for us. So here we are…a tight schedule mixed with just a smidge of exhaustion.

We arrive at the transition orphanage where Isaac and Jocelyn have lived for the past 3 weeks. As we enter the orphanage, I hear children singing. It is such a wonderful sound and the children are so beautiful. I instantly notice a change in our sweet peas. Isaac becomes lethargic and seems to be almost numb to the activity around him. I wonder…where does he go? Does he have a place inside him that he feels safe and protected from things? Jocelyn is more rigid and fussy. One of the ladies at the orphanage offers us cookies for the children. I think she believes they are hungry but we just fed them before we left. Like all children they eat the cookies but I can tell that Jocelyn’s tenseness has not changed. At one point Jocelyn sees something that disturbs her greatly but I don’t know what it is. I was watching another family and all of a sudden Jocelyn throws her arms around me, grabs me tightly and won’t let me go. Hubby saw this too. I won’t lie, it was very unnerving. “God, please get us out of here soon. I don’t want our precious little ones to be afraid anymore.”

Thankfully, after somewhat of a long wait the celebration finally begins. It starts with Abdissa reading from God’s Word about the 4 C’s. Honestly, I can only remember 3 with the help of my Hubby…compassion, comfort, and Christ’s love. It was good to hear him speak on ways we can all meet the needs of those around us. We can all give compassion, comfort, and Christ’s Love…no check book needed.

We next break bread Ethiopian style. The staff brings out a very large round bread that is about the size of a family size Papa Murphy’s Pizza that is 4 inches thick. Each family is encouraged to come up with all families members present and to make three cuts into the bread with everyone hanging onto the knife. The breads texture and weight reminds me of homemade cornbread. The taste of the bread is mild and quite good. The bread is served with nuts, butter cookies, bottled water and pop. As with most events in Ethiopia, we are served coffee in very small somewhat ornate cups. Trust me, one dainty cup of coffee is plenty! The coffee is very strong. It isn’t like going to Starbucks.

The celebration continues with Abdissa giving each one of us a gift of traditional dress. Each one of us receives a handmade shirt that we are encouraged to put on. They are white with stitching around the neckline and sleeve in black, gold or blue. All of our children are given traditional outfits for us to take home with them. The best part of the gifts is that those families who had family members at home, who didn’t travel, also received gifts. With the help of a lady from the orphanage, we slip Isaac and Jocelyn’s traditional outfits over the top of the ones they were already wearing. They were both uninterested and continue to be pretty nonresponsive. My heart is torn. The celebration is wonderful but I can see in my children’s eyes that they don’t want to be there.

It is already after 7 at night and we haven’t left for dinner at the Hebir Hotel. My heart is no longer torn. I am tired, my babies are tired, and I am ready to skip the hotel and head to our Guest House. Finally, we are leaving for the Hebir Hotel. It is a little strange to be out so late at night. This is the first time other than the day we arrived. We were strongly advised to not be out after dark. For us, this was not a problem. The schedule was crazy during the day so it was nice that they didn’t have anything scheduled for our evening except for tonight.

Hanock, our driver parks the van across the street from the hotel in what would be considered a parking lot. We are greeted by a man dressed in very nice bellman clothes who helped us out of the van. As we enter the hotel, we pass through their bar area which is amazing. The ceilings are painted in an Ethiopian somewhat iconography style. The lights are set in large inset circles that have the Amharic alphabet and numbers placed around the edge of the inset. The chairs are too difficult to explain the way they are made but they are made from what looks like solid wood. The padding is done in the colors of Ethiopia (red, green and gold).

We enter the main dining area hallway that is framed with large columns on each side. Most of the seating area is set to the right of us and is raised a few steps above the dining hallway. There are no formal tables with table cloths and silverware set at them. Rather the chairs remind me of comfortable patio furniture. There are a few small end tables near our seats with a couple of serving trays. Serving trays here are weaved baskets that have a wide pedestal style base that narrows towards the top. A large basket weaved tray rests on top of the pedestal. And yes, I do mean a large tray. They are at least the size of a Papa Murphy’s family size pizza.

The serving tray is the reason why you don’t see tables or silverware. Our waitress brings out a large round metal tray that is completely covered by one piece of anjera bread. She sets the anjera bread down on the serving tray and then proceeds to place our food on the large piece of bread according to where we were sitting. Another waitress brings another tray stacked with rolled up anjera bread. She begins to stack several of these roles in the middle of the serving tray. You use the anjera bread as your utensil instead of having silverware. Hubby and I ordered the grilled beef which was excellent. If you are wondering how the anjera bread tasted, read Day 3 – Part II and you will wonder no more.

Jocelyn fell sound asleep not too long after we had entered the hotel. I was so thankful since this is turning into such a late night for them. Isaac followed suit soon after but was back up when the music started playing during dinner. The music was great but loud. The fact that Jocelyn didn’t even flinch when the music started proves how utterly exhausted she is. Isaac on the other hand can’t sleep when music is being played. He loves music and was totally mesmerized by the band and dancers. The music was very upbeat in its sound and from what we understand, very traditional. The performers danced in traditional Ethiopian fashion. The dance is very physical but not in a violent or sexual way. The whole body is used and the dancers never stop moving or slow down. The dance is captivating. It is difficult to do anything else but watch the intricate movement of the performers.

The night has been lovely. We are so glad we went. The Hebir Hotel was amazing. The food was good, music excellent, dancers wonderful and the Ethiopian history the hotel reveals was very enlightening. I gather Jocelyn up in my arms and head to the van. Our now bright eyed bushy tail son snuggles into his Daddy’s chest as we head to our Guest House.

Did you know 3 flights of stairs after being gone all day, still jet lagged, carrying a 25 pound child after 10:30 at night can be somewhat challenging? Entering our room had never felt so good. I completely undressed Jocelyn and change her diaper without her ever opening her eyes. Isaac eyes are drooping as we tend to him before laying him in bed for a good night of rest. It is hard to believe that in less than 24 hours we will be heading home.

Day 5 - Part II - Grace House

2009-10-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

Day 5 - Part II – Grace House

After about 40 minutes, we leave the postal shops. It is just too difficult to do with the babies and we want to make sure there is plenty of time to go to their orphanage, Grace House. The drive to the orphanage seems long. Isaac and Jocelyn are becoming cranky and impatient. I can’t figure out what is wrong. Then I realize that they haven’t eaten yet! Oh my gosh…I am such a horrible new mother. I didn’t even remember to feed my children! Thankfully we have Cheerios with us because we really haven’t been given the time to in our schedule today to eat lunch. For us, this isn’t a big deal but I didn’t think about our sweet peas needing to eat. My greatest fear has just taken place...the fear of being inadequate. Charlie has to constantly remind me that I need to allow myself to fail without being so down on myself. But it is hard to do when you have 2 little ones completely dependent on you. There is so much for me to learn.

Grace House is located Addis Ababa but it is nestled deep into an area where there are no paved roads. The best way for me to describe the roads you ask? Well, let’s just say you don’t want any hemorrhoids. The minimal shocks on our van give no ease to the roads. Every bump, rut, and pot hole is felt. I now understand why DHL does not use trucks to deliver packages here. ALL of their vehicles are dirt bikes with containers attached to the back of the motorcycle to carry packages.

Just about the time we thought the drive would never end, we slow down outside a gated home. I can only see the second floor but I recognize it as Grace House immediately. Michelle from Kingdom Kids (owner of the orphanage) had sent us several pictures of the compound. The building is 2 stories tall and is in an L shape. There is no real landscaping just compacted dirt inside the walls. The sidewalk is made out of broken pieces of some type of smooth stone. The building is made of a beautiful large style brick in varying colors of deep gray, dark rust, and a marbled tan/rust. We see a man dressed in nice clothes coming down an exterior staircase painted in white. He introduces himself as Getachow (director of the orphanage). We are grateful to meet him and we quickly pull out the two 50 pound bins we had brought full of items for the orphanage.

I must interject a little bit of information about these 50 pound bins. If you read my blog on “Weight Management” on September 11th, you will understand the frustration we had with trying to keep our luggage under 50 pounds. Part of the problem with this is that we were trying to limit our luggage so we could take 2 large plastic bins for Kingdom Kids filled with things for the orphanage. The problem we ran into the night before we left is that one of the bins was over 50 pounds. This meant we were going to have to remove some things to get us under the limit. We just couldn’t afford the additional $250 for an overweight piece of luggage. My thought at the time was no problem. We will just remove 2 pounds of items and give them back to Kingdom Kids. It all sounded good until we opened the bin. It was filled with little shoes, clothes, and books. Everything in the bin the orphanage badly needed. How do you decide what to remove? We had to take it. There was no way for us to leave any of it behind. In that moment, the reality of the need for our orphanage and others like it hit for me. It felt good to know we were able to get every last item in the bins to Getachow at our orphanage.

Getachow takes us to the first room that is nearest to our van and the front gate. It is the original room where Isaac and Jocelyn lived until the toddlers were moved so the room could be used for the older girls. My heart ached to learn that not only have our children experienced several moves and caregivers (6 total in their 20 months of life), but they have also experienced moves inside the orphanage. It made me question how they were feeling about all the change that had taken place this week. We are bonding quickly with them but I wondered if they feel safe. Do they feel secure or are they wondering when we will leave them too?

We follow Getachow to the other end of the L shaped building. All the while he is telling us about Grace House and answering as many of our questions as he can. He takes us into a large room where the walls are pretty much bare other than 4 small posters. The chairs are inexpensive white plastic patio chairs. There are 7 plainly built end tables that are being used as desks; three blue and four red. Up against one wall is a bookcase with 4 books in it and a sign that reads Happy New Year. As we enter, the room is filled with the beautiful sound of children singing. The bare walls and tile floor allow their voices to echo loudly. Their singing fills the room with color and joy that the walls and furniture were lacking. Their voices penetrated our heart and soul.

As soon as the children finish a couple of songs, several of the older girls come rushing over to see Mechot (Isaac) and Tezerash (Jocelyn). The kids are thrilled to see them but our sweet peas are now unsure of them. Isaac was willing to go with the older girl who had a smile that could light up the darkest night. Her eyes were so kind. You could see the love she had for our babies. It made me want to take her home too. Jocelyn would not go to anyone or allow them to touch her. I was grateful to see she felt so safe with me. We asked the children to sing us a few more songs before Getachow led us to another room that is now the toddler room.

As we enter the toddler room, the eyes of the two nannies light up as they begin to speak rapidly to Getachow in Amharic. They move quickly to us with arms outstretched ready to embrace Isaac and Jocelyn. Isaac goes to them only because Charlie places him in the woman’s arms but Jocelyn would have anything to do with them. Their reaction to the nannies is a good sign for us. We were warned that our sweet peas might prefer the nannies over us when we visited the orphanage. The fact that ours don’t shows that all of our hard work is paying off.

The two women are thrilled to see our sweet peas again. We are disappointed to learn from Getachow that their primary nanny for Isaac and Jocelyn is not working today. We desperately wanted to meet her, take pictures with her and personally thank her for pouring into our babies’ lives. I am still overcome with emotion for the two nannies now smiling and talking softly to Isaac and Jocelyn. I gently grasp the woman’s hand that is holding Isaac and squeeze it tightly as I look deeply into eyes hoping the tears brimming up in my eyes can say what I can’t say in her language. She gazes back at me with tears streaming down her face. It is good to know that although she can’t understand my words of gratitude, she can understand my tears that are now freely flowing.

While in the toddler room we are met by a very petite little girl who has seems to have lost the joy in her eyes. Getachow tells us that she is from the same region as Isaac and Jocelyn. He continues to tell us that she has a heart condition and will not live much longer if she is not adopted. Her problem can be resolved in the US but not in Ethiopia. “God the need is so great. Please heal this little girl’s heart. Give her a family who will shower her with your unspeakable joy and love so that the joy may once again return to her eyes.”

We are then led up to the second floor to a very small room with only 2 cribs. We are introduced to a young radiant nanny who is caring for 2 babies; a boy and a girl. Both of them are 3 months old. I pick up the little girl and hold her close. Her eyes dance with joy that comes from being held and she begins to coo. After some time of holding her, I reluctantly place her back in the crib as she reluctantly accepts leaving my arms. I then move over to the baby boy named Michael and swaddle him close. I can’t help but think about the irony of being in this room with these two precious babies. They are the exact age that Isaac and Jocelyn were when they were assigned to us – 3 months old. Oh how I had longed to hold them. We had always said if we were rich, I could just go to Ethiopia and volunteer for the orphanage until our adoption was final so I could be with them. Holding these two precious souls seemed to ease some of the pain of the time we had last with our little ones. I couldn’t help but wonder what might lie in store for the two little angels. “Lord, I just ask that your hand may be on these two babies. I pray the paper work maybe swift and that you may bring the right family of your choosing here to receive them.”

We thank Getachow for the tour and the chance to meet the children. We take several pictures with him and the staff before we leave. As we drive back to the Guest House, I find myself holding Jocelyn a little bit closer; thanking God for the two blessings we have been given.

Day 5 - Part I

2009-10-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

Day 5 - Part I

It is Wednesday already. I can’t believe we leave tomorrow night. Our time is so busy while we are here. Hanock will be picking us up soon to go shopping at the postal shops. When he arrives I remind him that we want to visit their orphanage, Grace House. Our babies were transferred from their orphanage to a transition orphanage after our court date was approved. It was important to us to see where the babies had lived for the past year and to meet their primary caregiver. Hanock promises us that we will go today once we are done at the postal shops.

Today the drive seems longer to get everywhere. Maybe it is because I have a 20 month old on my lap or maybe it is the crazy driving. My mom ventures to ask Hanock if people ever get driving tickets here. Hanock said yes. I am not sure he understood what she meant. Or maybe they just see driving differently?
The paved roads do have lines on them but we have decided the lines do not create hard fast rules. Rather they are there as a suggestion as to where you might want to drive. Passing cars 3 abreast on a two lane road is not a problem in Ethiopia. Two inches away from the vehicle next to you is also not a problem. Traveling a safe distance from the car in front of you translates – just don’t hit the car – 1 inch clearance is just fine.

We finally arrive at the postal shops which are line of shops just a couple of notches better than the shanties we see throughout the city that form a T between two roads. There is traffic and people everywhere. Hanock squeezes our van into a space that I am sure was only meant for a car the size of a Ford Festiva. Before we even get out of the car there are kids trying to sell us gum competing with adults trying to sell us maps and belts. The commotion is ended quickly with the arrival of a woman wearing somewhat military style clothes carrying a very large stick. The words of Winston Churchill came to my mind “speak softly and carry a big stick.” By the way the people scattered, it was obvious she prefers to use her stick over words. I believe her job is to keep illegal solicitors out of the way of those doing business in this area.

The first shop we enter is filled with all kinds of stuff but my eye is instantly drawn to the stacks of scarves on a very large table. There are so many different styles, colors and fabrics. Each one is unique and full of beauty. The ceiling has several different purses hanging from it. Some made out of thick linen while others are made out of silk. One wall is lined with items made out of ebony. Ebony here is in abundance so you can find tons of things made from it. We continue through several stores while Isaac and Jocelyn are nestled against Hubby and me in their Ergo Carriers.

It was so important to us to go shopping especially for the babies. We wanted to buy special items that we will give them over the years as a part of celebrating their heritage. But it was hard to concentrate. There just seems to be so much going on. We are busy worrying about the babies, being bothered by the owners of the postal shops to buy more, trying to make sure our money and passports are safe, and being conscious of the time so we are able to make it to their orphanage, etc…etc…etc… We try to keep moving, seeing as much as we can as quickly as we can. It feels a little bit like power shopping in a store you are completely unfamiliar with. To make matters worse, I forgot the list we had made of items we wanted for the babies. I know it seems like it should be a simple task to remember what you want to bring home for your children, but you have to understand the state our state of mind. Besides all the things we are worrying about while shopping, we are also still jet lagged, the schedule is exhausting, I walked the floor with Jocelyn for 3 hours straight last night, etc...etc…etc…

While at the postal shops, I received a stark reminder of some of the behavioral modifications we would be dealing with once we arrive home. All families are asked not to discipline their children while in Ethiopia. The Ethiopian people have a different style of discipline than us. Because of this, they ask that we wait until we are home for discipline. After about 30 minutes of shopping, Jocelyn decided to reach out and grab an ebony statue off a shelf. I put it back and told her no, don’t touch. She looked me directly in the eye and then dug her finger nails into my face. Can I just say it is hard to remember your promise not to discipline when your 20 month old child is digging her finger nails into your face? I grabbed her hand and whispered in her ear in the sternest voice I could offer in a whisper and said “don’t you dare.” She just stared back at me like “you want to make a bet?”

Behavior is one area that I believe was lost in all of our training. Attachment disorder, adjusting to life at home, and remembering their heritage seemed to be the focus of training. After talking to several other families who have adopted young children, there seems to be a theme with them – scrappiness. Biting, scratching, pinching and hitting seem to be how they cope with things. Why? We were very surprised to see this very spiteful side of our babies. It is just one more thing for us to ponder. Are Ethiopian people against disciplining such small children? Is it because they were in an orphanage with so many other children? Did they fill the need to fight for everything? Did others hit, pinch and scratch them? It is just one more thing to add to the laundry list of unknowns for us.

Day 4 - The US Embassy

2009-10-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

Day 4 – The US Embassy

Today we go to the US Embassy. Abdissa has already turned in our paperwork and it was now time to answer some questions so we can get their visas to bring them home. It is weird. I feel like I should be worried after talking to two families staying at our Guest House who had problems at the Embassy. One family has to stay an extra 3-4 weeks to get some paperwork resolved. The other is unsure of how long it will take to fix the paperwork – maybe a week or two. But amazingly, I have complete peace. I have prayed for God’s peace and He has granted me His peace.

This morning while getting ready for the Embassy appointment, we began to teach Isaac that he can get down from the bed and play. We realized that he just sits in the middle of the bed without trying to get down and play. We think it might be from spending most of his time in his crib vs. running around like most toddlers. But like most things, we really don’t know.

Our drive to the Embassy brought a new level of awareness to me. On Monday I couldn’t stop looking at the people, green countryside, and their crazy scaffolding. But today, I am noticing things that I was sure didn’t exist yesterday. In fact, I tapped Charlie on the arm and asked him “Were the streets this dirty yesterday?” I really didn’t remember seeing the streets/curbs covered in dirt 6-12 inches thick. I don’t remember seeing so much garbage everywhere. I am sure it wasn’t here yesterday. Did they have a Mardi Gras last night and forgot to clean up? No…no unfortunately there was no large party someone forgot to clean up…this is how they live. As we drive over a bridge I notice the garbage spilling over the banks of the thick muddy brown river. There is a new smell in the air today. It is the smell of burning garbage.

Before reaching the Embassy, we pick up another family staying at the Ethio Comfort Guest House. As we turn onto the unpaved road, I notice a pile of goat skins that have been dumped on the side of the road. In America, people throw their McDonalds cups on the side of the road. Here, they throw out the skin of the goat they just slaughtered. I am so thankful for the location of our Guest House. Ethio Comfort Guest House looks beautiful but its location makes me uncomfortable. I notice a discarded goats head lying just outside the fence of the house next door. While we wait for the family, our driver, Hanock opens the door to the van to allow for air flow. There is no room for our van to fit inside the gated area so we are parked just outside the gate entrance. I noticed that Hanock never leaves the opening of our van door. I see him carefully guard part of the opening as a group of men pass in the center of the street. Hanock’s eyes never leave the men. I truly believe Hanock is a gift from God. I always feel like our safety and best interest is of the utmost importance to him.

We drive up a road that has cement barricades on the right hand side of us. We turn down a side street and there stands Abdissa. We are here. It isn’t at all what I expected. There is no US Flag and nothing that states you are at the US Embassy. As we pass through the barricade I notice several rows of benches filled with Ethiopian people. I assume they are waiting for an appointment to get into the Embassy. We run through two separate screening processes to enter the Embassy. I am surprised to see no US military service people in these two areas. We walk down a plain hallway with dingy walls. Abdissa stops us to show us where the only bathrooms we will have access to while we are here. I hope we will not be here for 6 hours like one of the other families at our Guest House.

We walk outside and into another building. Abdissa ushers us into a waiting room where there are a dozen or so other families already waiting. There are plenty of chairs to sit in but the room is not big enough for all the chairs to have someone sitting in them with leg room. We sit down and begin the wait. The room is painted but dingy. In the one corner there is a small enclosed play area for children with a couple of dirty toys in it. A young Ethiopian girl is trying to console two 1 year old babies. The bare walls and floor cause there cries to reach deafening levels. Their echoing cries begin to stress Jocelyn. The room is hot and Isaac begins to soak the front of Charlie’s dress shirt with sweat.

A Mom of one of the other families with us is not feeling well. She goes outside to get some fresh air and to find the bathroom. She comes back and informs us the bathroom smells like vomit and urine and there is no toilet paper. How could this be a United States Embassy? I am appalled and embarrassed by the conditions. Hubby is angered by them.

The noise of the now screaming babies is keeping us from hearing them call the families upstairs. Abdissa peeks his head around the corner and motions for us to come with him. We head upstairs to where we will eventually be called. We are grateful to be away from the screaming babies but the 2nd floor has to be at least 85 degrees. We sit down in one of the very few seats available. There is a “guard” sitting on a stool next to the stairs. I am not sure if he could do much if something happens. Where is our military presence? Do American employees feel safe here? Oh wait…I see the first sign that we are in a US Embassy. Hanging above one of the glass secured booths there is a framed (plastic frame) picture of President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Charlie’s shirt is now drenched from Isaac’s sweat. Two of the other families with us have been called. Please God let us be called soon so we can leave. We hear our name. We go up to a “window” where a very kind lady is waiting for us. We are separated by glass and it is very difficult to hear anything she is saying. After answering several questions and signing more documents, she congratulates us on our adoption and informs us of when the visas will be ready for our children. We are done. We quickly shuffle our way out of the building into the closest thing to fresh air Ethiopia has to offer.

Our drive back to the Guest House is filled with two opposing pictures. The first is the ever talking and giggling Jocelyn. The second is a young boy whose face is partially covered in scabs begging for food through the window of our van as we wait for traffic to start moving once again. I look away because it is too much to bear knowing this could be our children if it wasn’t for them being taken to an orphanage. Unfortunately the scenery on the other side of the van is much the same. Poverty is everywhere here. It is so vast that I found myself paralyzed with helplessness. I see a man sitting in a wheel chair with his one leg bent completely backwards propped up on the arm rest. Another man is walking from one vehicle to another on his hands because his legs are all bound and knotted up. I wonder how many of these medical ailments would be a simple fix in America. It is all so sobering. I tried to remind myself of the school next to our Guest House and the children who are being educated there. But these thoughts are drowned out by the children sitting on stacked bricks waiting for someone to stop so they can shine their shoes and earn a living.

We arrive back at the Guest House emotionally exhausted. My lack of ability to cope with the overwhelming poverty drives me to immediately change my clothes and get washed up. I followed suit with the babies. Afterwards, I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet and quietly wept. How can a place be so beautiful and yet so ugly? God reminded me that America also has its ugly side too. We also have children who live on the street unable to go home due to circumstances I can’t understand or imagine. It is just sometimes easier to look the other way at home. Lord, give me your eyes so I can see what you see and your heart so I can love compassionately the way you love me.

The End of Day 3

2009-09-30T00:39:00.000-07:00

The End of Day 3

Most of the rest of the night is a blur. We are so glad to be back at the Guest House with our children. Our children – it is so nice to say while they are in our arms.

I am not even sure what they served us at the Guest House for dinner but I do know Jocelyn sat on my lap while I fed her and Isaac sat on Daddy’s lap while he fed him. Isaac is still a little lethargic. We see glimpses of his personality but he is still choosing to be a little reserved. We don’t mind. We will work on his timetable. When he is ready we will be ready.

Jocelyn is starting to show her personality as long as no one touches her but Mommy. I am amazed and completely entranced by her wanting only me. Her attaching so quickly is truly the result of prayer. I am learning that when she becomes somewhat stressed due to all the change, I just throw her in the Ergo Carrier. It’s amazing what it does for her. She instantly calms down and snuggles in against me and begins to suck her thumb. I can feel her breathing begin to slow as she begins to let out several large sighs.

I decide to go downstairs to the main living area and try using the computer. Isaac is busy snuggling with Dad and my Mom is relaxing in one of the wicker wing backed chairs with her book. This is a good time for Jocelyn and me to hit the computer.
As I sit at the computer and try to get online (dial-up service), Jocelyn begins to show signs that she is ready to get out of the carrier. I loosen it up and let it fall from my shoulders as I wait for Google to load up. Jocelyn begins to excitedly talk to me in a language I can’t comprehend as she points at things all around us. Then she begins to repeat something over and over again as points at the computer. I talked back to her in the only language I know…English lavished in a mother’s love for her child. All of a sudden…Jocelyn sits up very tall…her eyes get really big…she grabs my face…stairs directly at me and says “Mama!” While still holding my cheeks she begins to kiss me on the lips. After each kiss, she pulls back looks directly into my eyes and says “Mama!” She repeats this over and over and over again. I am not sure my heart could be anymore full of love and joy than at this very moment.

After several attempts at trying to get online to blog and cherishing some very precious moments with my new daughter, I decide to head up to our room. Lying on our bed is a very content Dad snuggled up with his new son sleeping so peacefully. This is truly a perfect ending to a perfect day.

Day 3 - Part II

2009-09-28T01:25:00.000-07:00

Day 3 (September 14th) Part II

…As we enter the orphanage, Charlie begins to tap my leg excitedly saying “there they are, there they are!” He didn’t need to say a thing. I had already spotted them. I was afraid that maybe I wouldn’t recognize them but one glimpse was all it took. There were our babies standing nervously next to a nanny on the front steps of the orphanage…

I am trying not to cry…I know the tears will scare the babies. But how do I keep from crying? I have longed for this moment for 17 months and 18 days. As Hanock parks, the nights I spent lying prostrate on their bedroom floor crying and praying for them to come home came flooding into my mind. I can’t take my eyes off them…time seems to stand still as we wait for Hanock to open the van door…breathe Kelli breathe…hold back your tears…don’t let them fall down your cheek.

Isaac is being held by what I thought was a Nanny but later learned it is Abdissa’s (our POA) wife. He is quiet, somewhat sullen and wearing an outfit that looks way too small for him. Jocelyn is standing timidly next to Abdissa’s wife while fidgeting with her pant leg. Her hair has been braided and she is wearing a pink outfit that is way too big for her. As we get out of the van, we are handed two sets of a dozen roses one wrapped with a pale blue ribbon and the other with a pale pink ribbon. It was a nice gesture but I immediately handed them to my mom. Who can think about t roses when you are meeting your children for the first time?

I walk quietly over to them wiping the tears from my face trying desperately not to cry. Charlie and I call them by their Amharic names (Mechot and Tezerash). Abdissa’s wife encourages them to go to us but Jocelyn refuses and begins to get upset and reaches for her. The lady takes Isaac and puts him in my arms. He comes to me but it is obvious that it would not be his first choice. He allows me to kiss him but there is no response in him. It comes very apparent to us that he copes with change by becoming lethargic, accepting, and quiet.

They bring us inside the orphanage to show us around. The main floor is obviously the area where they are fed and maybe play? The two large rooms are very simple, plain with no real furniture. The one has children eating what I assume to be their lunch. We are ushered upstairs with hand motions since the nannies do not speak English. We are grateful that Hanock comes with us since he speaks very good English. We are ushered through several rooms on the second floor without a lot of understanding as to the meaning. We greet the children in the rooms and continue to follow the people motioning to us. We are brought to the 3rd floor where we are finally led into a room where Isaac and Jocelyn slept. Now it makes sense. I don’t believe they were sure which room was the right one until we came to this one. Our pictures we had sent earlier that year were positioned above Isaac and Jocelyn’s cribs.

After a very brief time in the room we are ushered out of the orphanage and back into the van. I was thankful to be leaving. It was hard to see all the children in the orphanage. I had an overwhelming sense from them that they were all wondering the same thing, “Why didn’t you pick me?” Even now it is very difficult to reflect upon. There is such a great need not just in Ethiopia but in other places too including our very own foster care system. I find that I must remind myself that I am only one person, we are only one family. Besides, there is not a house big enough for the 5 million plus orphans in Ethiopia. To give you a little perspective of 5 million, Addis Ababa (Ethiopia’s capitol) has a population of 5 million people. Los Angeles would have to have 1 million more people in it to equal the orphan population in Ethiopia. Yes, I agree. These facts are mind numbing and overwhelming. But God does not ask us to fix the “big picture.” He is asking us to listen to Him and what He would have each one of us to do. For us, it was adoption. For us, it was adopting from Ethiopia. What God calls us to is as individual as the thumbprint and DNA He has given each and every one of us.

Jocelyn is refusing to go to Charlie or me. Abdissa’s wife sets her carefully on the seat of the van and she instantly begins to cry. I quickly hand Isaac over to Hubby since he didn’t seem to mind who held him. I slid in next to Jocelyn and set her on my lap. Hanock asked if I had candy for her. Candy? She is 20 months old, why would I have candy for her?! Oh, wait I have cereal. Hanock smiles at me nods and motions for me to get it. With every Cheerio I give her she calms a little bit more. The shutters and hiccups from crying become less and less. Isaac is also more than happy to indulge in this delightful snack as well.

We are taken by van to what looks to be a home but it is the Ethiopian office for our agency. Once inside we are taken to the third floor (nothing seems to happen on the 1st floor in this country). On the way up we are greeted by Abdissa. Finally we get to meet the man we signed all of our power over to in Ethiopia. His smile is radiant. The unspeakable joy he has overflows his spirit and exudes itself through every part of his being. He shows my mom how to properly greet with a handshake and 3 kisses on the cheek. He then proceeds to greet each one of us including the babies.

As we begin our ascent to the 3rd floor I am amazed at how different things are here. I mean yes, there is the obvious differences but then there are the small things that fascinate me. Like the fact that there was no hand rail on the winding staircase between the 2nd and 3rd floor. It was a little unnerving to be carrying a baby up smooth tiled steps with nothing between me and the 2nd floor below. I find myself repeating the same thing I had earlier on the drive, “this wouldn’t pass inspection in Washington.” We are taken into a room with couches and a very large round coffee table. We are left there along with another family to bond with our new children. The walls have floral wall paper which is partially covered with pictures of families with their new little ones. There is a table off to the side towards the entrance which is where they serve food. Isaac and Jocelyn settle into our laps with no desire to go anywhere.

Later we are called down to Abdissa’s office to go over the rest of the paperwork needed for tomorrow Embassy appointment. Jocelyn joined us since she got very upset when I tried to leave the 3rd floor room. Abidssa’s office is small and every bookcase is lined with binders. Each binder has the last name of a family from the US with a picture(s) of a child(ren) below it. It brought new appreciation and understanding to the magnitude of Abdissa’s job. He must live, eat, and breathe these precious children. I have not always liked our agency or have been in the least bit grateful for them. But Abdissa I adore. His passion for these kids is evident in his eyes. I am so grateful that we have him.

We are sent back up to the 3rd floor to continue to bond with Isaac and Jocelyn. Jocelyn has become very attached to me very quickly. She already won’t let anyone else touch her. She begins to cry even if she thinks I am going to put her down. Lord, I just praise you right now in this moment. I was so worried they would be afraid us. Now I have a daughter who will not let me put her down. Thank you Lord. You are so good. A beautiful young woman by the name of Mika comes up to help us with the babies so we can eat. Jocelyn will not have anything to do with her but Isaac goes with her. He looks and listens intently as she speaks to him softly in Amharic.

The food is so foreign to us (no pun intended). I expected it to be different but not this different. All the food is served with anjera bread. At first glance, it looks quite yummy. Its appearance reminds me of an enormous, very thick brown crepe that has been left unrolled. Let me just inform you now, it isn’t a crepe. I think I might have liked the anjera bread if it wasn’t served cold. How can you eat warm finger food with ice cold spongy bread? The bread has a very distinct sour taste and its texture is like chewing on an old, cold, wet sponge. The beans that are served with it are good but extremely spice. My stomach has been queasy since we got off the plane and I have lost my appetite from all the travel. The last thing I want right now is spicy food. Thankfully there is a pot of boiled potatoes and carrots. Ah, safe and soothing to the stomach.

Isaac eats from Mika’s hand like it’s his last supper; literally. She fed him 3 full plates of potatoes, carrots and anjera bread. Jocelyn took in quite a bit too. They don’t use utensils in Ethiopia so it was interesting to smash the carrots and potatoes with my fingers to get the portions and consistency right for her. But she was patient with her new mama.

After eating, we were left in the room for quite some time. We were exhausted and ready to get back to our Guest house. We were ready to get the kids clothes changed. We learned when Hubby changed Isaac that they had squeezed him into a size 12 months shirt and pants. I do mean squeezed. Isaac is a healthy size 24 months in both pants and shirts. I wasn’t sure Hubby was going to be able to get his pants back on or not.

On the ride back to the Guest House I realize that I have Jocelyn in my lap and not in a car seat. I couldn’t help my mind from wandering back to the same familiar thought, “this wouldn’t be legal in Washington.” It felt so good to have her fast asleep in my arms with her head resting on my chest. I looked at Charlie who was sitting one row behind me and I could see the contentment in his eyes as he held his son. This is how life should be…children to hold…children to love…children to cherish until the Lord calls us home.

No Time Like Picture Time

2009-09-26T14:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't had time to blog about our trip so here are some pictures of our ever lovable and very adorable sweet peas.

Isaac loves baseball hats. Daddy's has to do until we get him his own!

I know the picture isn't very good but I had to post it. How many kids do you know that even smile in their sleep?

Sis has no need to smile. Sleeping is serious business!

Mama's ham

Sis isn't going to let brother show her up in the silly department

Peek-a-boo!

Day 3 (September 14th) Part 1

2009-09-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

Day 3 (September 14th) Part I

The Hokey Pokey

After a restless night of sleep I awake to the strangest sound. It was very loud since the slider in our room was open due to the warm, humid air. I laid in bed for quite a few minutes with my eyes closed trying to orient myself and figure out if I was dreaming or was I really hearing the “Hokey Pokey” being sung. I open my eyes to a somewhat stark and simple room. The walls are a very light cream color with only one large picture hanging above our bed. It is of a man’s hand cradling a toddler’s hand. Our bed is plain and flanked by two wing back chairs fashioned out of wicker. There is a bunk bed across from us where my mom is still quietly snoring. How can she sleep with the Hokey Pokey being sung so loud?

As I slowly pull myself out of the very hard bed, every ounce of my body screams with disapproval. Looking out our slider I am surprised to find that across from our Guest House is a private school. Inside the fenced walls there are children lined up singing the Hokey Pokey. Our gravel/dirt road is littered with cars dropping children off at the entrance gate to the school. One more unexpected surprise brought to me by Ethiopia. I never expected to see a private school singing a very American song in English. This would be a prelude to the stark contrasts that comes when visiting Ethiopia.

7:00 am

It is now a little after 7 and we don’t leave to get our sweet peas until 10 am. There is plenty of time to get ready, eat breakfast and to wonder about our first meeting. Will they be scared? Will they cry and be inconsolable? How will we ever get them to understand that we are their parents and we love them so much? Please God, prepare their little hearts and minds for our meeting today. You have ordained this day from the beginning of time. I put my trust in you Lord. I ask for your peace to guard my heart and my mind.

10:00 am

It is a few minutes after 10 am now. We have been waiting in the living room of the Guest House for more than 20 minutes. My question to Charlie and mom: “Do you think they forgot us?” My Hubby gently squeezes my hand and tells me not to worry. He reminds me that they don’t worry about being on time as much as we do. Several minutes go by and we hear the honk at the gate. It is Hanok our driver for the week. He is very kind and somewhat shy. He helps us load our things in the van and the journey to our sweet peas begins.

The Journey

One of the first things I notice as we travel the roads is the unmistakable smell of diesel. The majority of vehicles are diesel and the nauseating smell is clearly identifiable in the humid air. I believe the level of air pollution here would make LA’s air seem clear.

As we meander through the maze of roads (more on the driving later), I am awe struck by the beauty of the people. The skin tones vary from very dark to a light chocolate brown. Their features tend more towards high cheek bones with large eyes that seem to speak volumes as they gaze back at me. The scarves the women wear are absolutely amazing. They are draped in an array of styles according to ones religious beliefs, customs or preference. The colors are vivid or simple. Some have intricate patterns while others are uncomplicated. The scarves for me signify their rich culture and obvious heritage. I can’t wait to buy some for Jocelyn and me.

As we continue to travel, I begin to recognize some of the shapes that baffled me the night before. The spiky like pyramids are dozens of wood poles piled in a triangular shape about 10 – 12 feet high. The sporadic patterns of tall lines I had seen happens to be the wooden poles tied together being used as scaffolding! Some of the wooden pole scaffolding reaches 6-8 stories tall on the newly constructed buildings. I am utterly amazed. My only thought was…that wouldn’t pass inspection in Washington State.

The trip seems to be taking forever. How far could the orphanage be? How big is this city? Wait…we’re finally slowing down. Is this the wall and gate that will take us to our babies? One honk of the horn…no answer. The second honk produces the sound of the gate being unlatched. I ask our driver Hanock, “is this the orphanage?” He answers with a nod and a quiet “yes.”

As we enter the orphanage, Charlie begins to tap my leg excitedly saying “there they are, there they are!” He didn’t need to say a thing. I had already spotted them. I was afraid that maybe I wouldn’t recognize them but one glimpse was all it took. There were our babies standing nervously next to a nanny on the front steps of the orphanage.

Day 2 (September 13th)

2009-09-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

Day 2 (September 13th)

We are late getting into Ethiopia. The “40” minutes in Rome, Italy to refuel turned into two hours due to a 30 plane back-up on the tarmac for departing. I am absolutely exhausted, filthy and wide awake with anticipation. I wanted to arrive while it was still daylight so I could get a sense of the city our babies have called home for the past 12 months. But it is dark, very dark.

We meet Note just outside the airport after getting our Visas and luggage. He has the most permeating smile and is full of kindness. He is our lifeline for the Guest House where we will be staying. While he loads our luggage Hubby and I are confronted by several men speaking rapidly in Amharic. We can’t understand them and Note will not acknowledge us or them. We finally came to the conclusion that they were asking for money. We knew we were entering a 3rd world country and we had heard about people asking/begging for things but we never expected it at the airport.
My desire to see Addis Ababa in daylight today has been left to my imagination and whatever shapes I can make out in the shadows of the night. I am amazed at the paved roads and some street lights. Sometimes you just don’t know what to expect. Although several times Note had to slow down to avoid pot holes that makes ours look like minor pits in the road.

There is so much “fencing” along the road side. Some is made from corrugated tin, cement, bricks and whatever else you can think of. Behind the walls are shadows and shapes that leave me baffled. Some shapes seem to make a spiky like pyramid while others seems to be tons of tall lines in sporadic patterns reaching into the sky. The streets for the most part are empty except for a few wandering people.

After about 20 minutes of travel we turn off the paved roadway onto a gravel/dirt road which is lined with tall fences and gates. We stopped toward the end of the street at a solid black, white and brass gate. The top of the fence attached to the gate is lined with razor wire. Note honks the horn and informs us we are not to get out until we have entered the enclosed area and they have closed the door behind us.
My thought…Toto we’re not in America anymore.

Day 1 (September 12th)

2009-09-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

Day 1
Everyone says to sleep but how? We are flying over 8,000 miles to pick up our babies which has taken us 17 months of hard work to bring them home. It is also the fulfillment of 15 years of longing for a family.

…but sleep everyone says sleep…

It is now 2 am and I need to be up by 3 am to get ready to leave. I will lay down for a quick nap. My fear of oversleeping is why the kitchen timer is sitting in our bedroom set to go off along with my alarm clock, Hubby’s alarm clock and a back up phone call from my mom for good measure.

4:00 am

Everything is ready. Everything is packed. In 27 hours we will be landing in Ethiopia.

5:00 am

The lady at the United Airline counter asks what we will be doing on our trip. I told her we were going to Ethiopia to bring our children home. The magnitude of what was about to take place overwhelmed me …I could not speak…and the tears of joy and relief began to flow.

Denver to Dulles

As with every step of this journey, travel has been no different. The emotions have been broad and sometimes unexpected. The flight from Denver to DC has brought with it a numb feeling that “this” isn’t real. I felt like we must be traveling anywhere but Ethiopia.

I have yet to be able to sleep…

8:30 pm

Our plane leaves right on time. Charlie is holding my hand from across the aisle. The wheels leave the ground and we really are Ethiopia bound. My mind is flooded with more thoughts than I can process. What if we aren’t able to bond with the kids? What if they are scared to death of us? What if I am not a good Mom? Will I regret doing this? What if they wish we would have never adopted them?
...the thoughts keep coming…
A gentle squeeze of my hand brings me back to my Hubby’s smiling face and to these precious words, “tomorrow you will be a Mommy.”

Yes, in 16 hours our plane will land in Ethiopia and I will be a Mommy.

No Words Needed

2009-09-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

The Best Moment

2009-09-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

I know many of you stopped by hoping to read about our trip while we were gone. Unfortunately, the very sketchy internet was just that...sketchy. After several attempts, I gave up the notion of updating while in Ethiopia. So over the next week, I will hopefully give you a glimpse into our time in Ethiopia through the eyes of an adopting mother. For now, I will leave you with the best moment ever.

Yesterday, while Jocelyn and Isaac were busy playing, I snuck upstairs to shower (Jocelyn is still very attached to mom only). We had agreed if she realized I was gone and if Charlie was unable to console her (she has yet to let him hold her) that he would bring her up to the bathroom. I was able to take a very long shower (much needed after 37 hours of travel) without any problem. I quietly snuck down the stairs to find Jocelyn sitting on Daddy’s lap chatting away. When she saw me, she smiled and went back to talking to Dad. One of the best moments by far since getting them.

The Count Down

2009-09-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

T-minus 9 hours and 50 minutes.

Weight Management

2009-09-11T13:30:00.001-07:00

Yep. Here it is. I am going to talk about weight management. And although I could use some serious weight management, I am not going to talk about the body kind. Instead I am going to talk about the insanity of managing the weight of your luggage. It shouldn't be that hard right? Wow was I wrong. Since trying to figure out how to pack for 4 people with a limit of 50 pounds per bag, I have come to realize that everything adds up! .

Take for instance my purse. I do not carry one of the massive purses some of my friends carry. Mine is a nice medium sized purse to take care of my basic needs. I weighed it today. A whopping 3 pounds! So how do you end up with a purse that weighs 3 pounds? Well here is what I have:
- Sunglasses
- Check book
- Wallet (it even has money in it :) )
- 9 pictures of our babies
- Costco renewal form
- Calculator (can't live without it!)
- Mirror
- Thumbdrive (never know when you might need to save something)
- Inhaler
- Small notepad
- 2 pens
- 7 types of lip shimmer/chapstick (hmm maybe I should cut back)
- 8 receipts I don't even need
- Lotion
- Ibuprofen
- Floss
- Keys
- Couple of the unmentionables
- Eye drops
- 10 expired coupons (no time for frugal shopping now)

All that plus my purse adds up to a whopping 3 pounds! How is that possible? By the way...the checked luggage is the easy part. Ethiopian Airlines only allows 15 pounds for your carry-on. I had one carry-on half full and it was already 5 pounds over the limit. Hubby thinks we may need to "bite the bullet" and pay extra for one piece of luggage. The price tag for 1 pound or more over? Only a mere $250.

Pink Paris

2009-09-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

Are you wondering why I have posted a picture of Isaac and Jocelyn's closet? Well...it is all in an effort to explain to you my Hubby's nickname for my mom. If you will notice there are two distinct sections of Jocelyn's clothes. Her clothes start with a full line of pink clothes. Mostly light pink clothes. Then the next section of clothing has a nice array of colors including hot pink aqua, lavender, purple, cream, blue, etc... Can you guess which section I bought and which my mom bought?

Ummm...yes, the beginning section is what my mom bought. Hence the reason for the title to this post. Charlie has nicknamed my mom the Pink Paris (referring to Paris Hilton). Here are his reasons and mind you they are good ones!

Since retiring, my mom has become more busy than when she worked. If I call and ask her to do something she says "just a minute, I need to check my schedule."

My darling dad has been nicknamed "The Secretary" since he is the one answering the phone because my mom is too busy.

My mom loves pink. In fact, the luggage she bought for our trip to Ethiopia is hot pink! Oh no, it gets better. She also has a matching neck pillow.

Pink Paris, this post is for you. Thank you for carrying on the pink tradition to Jocelyn.

We love you!

Priceless...

2009-09-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

Isaac's Crib:

Jocelyn's Crib:

$15

Putting the cribs together:

some minor irritations and one trip to the hardware store

Knowing they will be asleep in their own beds in 10 days...

PRICELESS!