Friday, November 6, 2009

How is motherhood?

I have had many people ask me about being a mom. How is it? How are you adjusting? The latter question I believe is the best question. How am I adjusting? Any time you change or modify the rhythm in your life, there is an adjustment. Heavens for me even driving the truck versus the car is an adjustment. I end up turning on the wipers instead of the headlights. I try to shift the truck into gear where there is no shifter. And on multiple occasions I have tried to open the truck door with my keyless remote for the car. So yes you could say becoming a mother has meant adjusting.

I was really hoping we would get our sweet peas last December as was the original plan. They would have been just shy of a year old. Since we did not have any children yet, I had always felt the younger the better. It is why I didn’t want a school age child. I figure at age 1, they wouldn’t remember all of my mistakes and hopefully by the time they’re old enough to remember I would have a better handle on being a mommy. But as with most things, God’s plan was not my plan.

So how am I doing? Let me first start by saying I wouldn’t trade being Mom to Isaac and Jocelyn for anything. My love for them grows deeper and deeper each day. Some nights I sneak into their room, rest my arms and head on their crib and just watch them sleep. It is in those moments that I beg God for wisdom, discernment, grace and mercy. I want to love them perfectly. I want to understand them and meet their every need.

I have never felt adequate at anything I have done in my life. So motherhood is no exception. At times my inadequacy has brought me to tears and wondering if I should be a mother. I think there must be someone out there more deserving of them. I long for them to have the very best…but they have me. The times of inadequacy have been some of my lowest moments. They are the times I am reminded of my need for my Savior. “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” (Phil 4:13). This helps me to remember that motherhood is not excluded in this verse.

The other part of motherhood that has been hard is seeing things in myself I don’t particularly care to see. I am reminded all too often of my sinful nature and how it has a tendency to rise up and show itself in how I parent. It isn’t pretty. It makes me forever grateful for children who are so willing to forgive their new Mommy of her mistakes. I am even more grateful that they love me anyway. And I am eternally grateful for a Heavenly Father who covers me with His grace and mercy each day.

Other adjustments have been more trivial like trying to keep up on the never ending laundry. Or making sure I have everything I need to make meals and that we don’t run out of milk. Also trying to find time to spend with my Hubby…alone…and sleeping in the same bed does not count!

But more than anything I have enjoyed adjusting to having little ones in my life. I love having Jocelyn hug my leg while I am trying to make lunch. I love even more hearing her little giggles while she tries to hang on as I move across the kitchen. I love that I can make Isaac laugh. I love his sweet little smile and his insatiable appetite for snuggling. I love the joys of life amidst the chaos. I love turning on their favorite tunes and grooving to the music toddler style. More than anything I love my children and I love being their mom. My prayer will always be “Lord grant me the wisdom, discernment, grace and mercy needed to be Isaac and Jocelyn’s Mommy. And may they come to love me being their Mom as much as I love them being my son and daughter.”

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, dear one! We are enjoying life among the chaos too! For us it is more a matter of energy (or lack thereof)!! Thanks for sharing. Love, SJ


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